Friday, August 20, 2010

Untitled


When I was younger I have always feared the dark. Despite being in a familiar
place like my own bedroom or at my hallway, when the lights go off I would
just feel a sense of insecurity. I feel that being unable to see anything makes me
feel vulnerable. My imagination would then get wild, like crazy wild and start
conjuring weird shadows and figures in the dark. I can never be alone in a room
without the lights on.

Ive always welcomed the company of light. Infact I can only sleep better with
the light shining brightly on me. As a kid I would do anything to just get a little
light on me while I sleep. I would simply just leave the light on, leave my room
door slightly ajar so hallway lights would come in, get a night light or maybe
get a torchlight. You see, its not really the dark that I fear, it the sense of
insecurity that drives me off the freaking wall.

Now a days, its really quite the opposite. I can walk through half my house in pitch
darkness and not really flinch a single bit. Im used to sleeping alone in my room
which is now twice the size of my old room in the dark. I can take a leak in the toilet
or sometimes even a dump when the lights are all off. In fact when its night time
sometimes light can really annoy me. When Im in my room trying to sleep, I would
always have to put my pillow over my head to shield my eyes from light seeping in
from the hallway or from the street lamp outside.

I guess having insomnia sort of makes darkness a part of your life. Well, maybe not
insomnia, just a milder case perhaps. Well, in a less fancier word its a troubled mind
and an empty heart that keeps me awake. Lying down on my bed staring at the
ceiling, once menacing shadows are now all too familiar. My thoughts once
wildly conjuring terrible horrors now given a chance to abolish them and give room
for other thoughts.

Thoughts about you..

How you were able to speak to my heart and not my ears..
How you were able to touch my soul and not my body..
How you were able to bring me bliss and rarely sorrow..
How you were able to make me see love and not beauty..
How you were able to make me feel whole and not hollow..
How you were able to bring me smiles and not tears.....
How we were able to cast one and not two shadows...

No comments: