Shadowless

When I was a kid around 5 years old, my parents brought a mongrel dog
back home which we would fondly call Cookie. Cookie was a puppy during
that time and she grew up to be a petite sized dog. Cookie was a really
affectionate dog, but it was mostly fierce towards strangers but is able
to sense when a person is a friend. Most visitors who came to my house
would remember this dog because of its friendly nature, even people who
wouldnt take a second look at dogs couldnt turn away from Cookie.

Cookie was a real fighter. She survived various illness and she survived
several fights she had with my other dogs and she fought with stray dogs
that wander too close to my compound as well. In most of the fights she
would lose because of her small size but that never really deterred her
from fighting on. After each fight she would be bleeding, but never profusely.
She would usually limp slowly to a corner at my car porch and lick her
wounds. We never really had to send her to the vet because the next
day itself she would be up and running again, fighting again.

The sad part is I had this dog for so long, I thought I would see her end,
but that was not to be. Around late 2007 Cookie suddenly disappeared,
without a trace. We tried looking for her around the neighbourhood,
calling her name helplessly but she was no where to be found. I remember
that day well, my maid prepared dinner for the dog, but couldnt find her
anywhere around the house. After our unfruitful search, I went back to
my room to sleep. I remembered it rained so hard that night, filled with
thunder and lightning. I couldnt sleep that night, thinking she was out
there alone in the dark cold night. I never prayed so hard before.

Till this day, what happened to Cookie remains a mystery to me. Its sad
really because I never really took a lot of pictures of this dog. Infact, my
memory of how this dog looks like is starting to decay. Sigh, but Ill never
forget how strong this dog was despite its small size. The thing is, sometimes
I would ponder about what had happened to her. Might she still be alive?
Was she taken? Was she roadkill? I guess I'll never find out. You must
think that Im a real fool for having such feelings towards a dog, but I dont care.
I fight for what I feel is right and what I truly love. The image above is how
she looks like to me in my memories now, roughly anyways. Ill never forget
you Cookie. =)

Abra Cadabra

Grat.i.tude
Function: noun
Definition: The state of being grateful
THANKFULNESS

When you ponder at the word gratitude, what comes to your mind first? Well,
for most of us its simple, it's saying thank you after someone helped you or gave
you something. It is a fact that most of us are very capable of showing gratitude,
but some of us don't realise that gratitude is a must in our social world. Im sure
most of you know a friend or two who are not well known for their gratitude. To
whoever whose reading this, you yourself may not even know that you have the
decency to say those two magical words to whoever.

Its fair enough that you may say thanks to your friends, but do you say it to your
parents? Do you say it to your teachers? Do you even say it at all? The thing about
us is, when we receive something too often, we tend to appreciate it less and forget
about the people gave it to us. Let's look into an example, lets say since you have no
car your friend usually picks you up and sends you to outings. The first few times
you might say thanks and be appreciative, but after a while you get used to it. You
eventually forget to say thanks, and if your friend arrives late you might even get
angry. You see, the scope changes. At the start you know your friend is doing you
a favor, and now you think your friend OWES you a favor. Remember never to
forget whoever you are, keep the gratitude you had at the beginning towards the
end. That way your friends will know that you appreciate them and wont see you
as a liability(parasite). And for heaven's sake, please be sincere.

Of course, gratitude is more than just please and thank you. You can do certain things
such as returning the favor or doing a good gesture towards a friend who just helped
you as a sign of gratitude. Lets take the driver friend example again. Let's say you know
that your friend is picking you up early tomorrow morning, you can show some gratitude
by atleast getting your ass up early in the morning and get ready before he or she arrives.
Since your friend has taken the trouble to pick you up, atleast be sincere enough not to
keep your friend waiting. After all, why should your friend wait for you when he's driving
right? Does he owe you a favor? I dont think so right? You dont even need the slightest
bit of insight to find that out for yourself, you twit.

You can also show those who have helped you a lot with gratitude by giving them your
respect. Helpful friends are not to be taken advantage of, and should be treated well
for their kindness. Ask only for their help when truly necessary, dont push it. If you
have the opportunity to take the bus without having your friend to make a detour,
take it. Dont be such a hassle to the people around you, or you may come to find out
that people will start avoiding you, or bad-mouthing you. For all you may know, it
might just.. be... happening.... right..... now......

Of course, this applies to many other situations aside from taking rides from your
friends. If you owe people money, take the initiative to remember and pay them back.
Dont make them look for you. If you have borrowed something from someone, return
it back. The fact that that person doesnt remember doesnt mean you can keep it! If
your friend cheered you up after something bad happened, be thankful, dont continue
looking for that person only when ure sad and pouring it all on him or her. Depression is
infectious, trust me. When receiving something from your parents, open your gap and
say thanks. The fact that you are their child, doesnt mean they owe you anything, you
didnt earn it. The fact that you didnt choose them doesnt mean they CHOSE you.

As for those who are incapable of showing gratitude or just uttering a sincere thanks, I
look down on you. You are insects among humans, more like parasites. Goodnight.

Cny Blues

Chinese new year for me every year is a special time of the year where
I mostly spend time with my family and friends. I have fond memories
of almost every new year spent and its been real fun. Its one of those
times of the year where you're in the mood for some boozing and gambling,
having annual dinners with the family, and going out late after dinner
with friends. Nothing beats that routine.

As for yesterday(now the day before yesterday, since it's past midnight)
I went for an annual prayer to 7 of Penang's temples. Yeah I know, thats
ALOT of temples to go to. But it isnt exactly as pain staking as it sounds,
all we do is get one of those huge joss sticks, light it up and mount it on one
of the stands provided infront of the temple. The only reason why it takes
so long is because of the legions of people who come every year, making
prayers to the Gods for health and wealth. What more can you ask for eh?

The one thing about going to these 7 temples every year is I get to see
chinese culture in Penang at its best. The thing about our culture is I dont
really look into it all year round, so yeah once a year is fair enough for me.
Going to the temples makes all 5 of your senses go into overdrive, first you see
the vast array of colours, chiefly red all over the place. The golden designs
of dragons and what not, dieties lined with offerings in front of them, and
DONT laugh, chicks too. Believe it or not, chicks go to temples too, hordes
of them. Next your nose is tingled and slightly annoyed by the heavy smell
of incense everywhere and smoke coming from the vast amounts of joss
paper being burnt. Through your ears, you can hear the loud drummings
and clashing of cymbals within the temple walls, loud chatter of people
and fireworks from a distance. Walking towards the dieties you can feel
heat from the large fires from the concrete furnaces used to burn offerings
and extra joss sticks. As for taste, I had an eclipse mint in my mouth, not
gonna be a smart ass on that part :p

I am not going to ramble further about my temple hopping escapade as
I would have to make this post extremely draggy. Another thing about
chinese new year is that, the people who you spend it with every year.
Aside from family, the one thing I noticed every year is that the friends
I spend new year with are different every year. There are of course some
old ones but most of the time new ones. Only through cny do I notice that
people that we were once so close with eventually become strangers or
hi bye friends, which is kinda sad. But of course, there will always be new
people waiting to be friends. Only through photographs do I see the happy
times, but that isnt entire true. Why cant this present moment be a happy
time? I leave that for you to judge. I dont need the past to bring back good
feelings, instead I appreciate the present and look forward to the future.

is there a light?

Im currently back in Penang now, Ive been home for about 3 days already
and I'll be back to KL on the 20th. This new year break is a very short one
for it only lasts for about 10 days when in fact the cny holiday usually lasts
for about two weeks or more. Its kinda disappointing because usually every
cny is the best holiday for me because most friends are back during that
time and we have a blast enjoying this holiday, unlike other holidays when
everyone comes back on different times of the year.

However this year, its just not going to be that way as most of my friends
are still overseas or are already heading back. To add up with that this year
everyone is busy with their own things. So yeah, I can honestly say Im kinda
marooned on this island. For once Im actually not looking forward to coming
home. Its a real bitter disappointment this year coming home and Im not
exactly looking forward to the next few coming days as I will probably be filled
with boredom. Sigh.

Ive been out twice so far and on both occasions something comes up and
I ended up feeling like I shouldnt have gone out anyways. Damn the blardy
weather. It has been so hot lately, Ive never been pissed due to the weather

before but GRR its been so freaking hot lately. Fuck global warming, its
already happening. Well, I hoped that it would have rained lately but of
course I would end up being disappointed. However tonight, it JUST HAD
to rain while I was out at the BEACH. Wtf. Sigh....

To add up with that, no one seems to be in the new year mood. Everyone
seems so pissy and angry lately. Its as though there is no one cheery or
in good mood to talk to. What happened to HAPPY chinese new year?
Maybe its due to the stupid weather we have been having lately, Im not
exactly in the best of moods as well. Disappointing, really....

Before the holiday had started I really looked forward to coming home
as i have been away for nearly 4 months now. I needed a much deserved
break because I didnt have any holidays after my previous exams. Well,
this is my break I guess. Not what I expected really, but I guess I have to

make the best of it. Sigh......

20

I had my birthday celebration a few days back and honestly I can say its the
best for me. Well, every year is of course the best, but this year was somewhat
special. I didnt have one, not two but three celebrations this year and I was
stuffed with loads of cake, yummy! haha.

At the stroke of midnight, some creepy stuff unfolded in my rented home. First
Jessy, suspiciously led me to my room while talking on the phone with her,
saying that she wanted to tell me something. During that time when we were
conversing, suddenly the normal noisy atmosphere of my humble abode went
silent. Suspicious, but I kept my cool. There were some heavy footsteps going
around outside, and noisy rustlings of plastic bags. SUDDENLY! The power got
cut, woah freaky, but I kept my cool. I walked out of my room into the dark
living room, where there was a loud knocking on my unlocked from door to my
right, while I saw firelight casted on the wall coming from the kitchen on my
left. Which way should I have went? Haha, trying not to be an ass I opened the
front door for my neighbour(the diversion) while my friends popped out from
the kitchen with the cake. Thanks for the suprise guys, nearly there haha.
What happened after that I wont go into detail. It involves some projectiles haha.

The next day was a normal birthday celebration at Pizza hut. Where I later had
an early valentines celebration at my place :).

On the third day, another suprise unfolded. I was led around Midvalley aimlessly
with an empty stomach by Jess. She used every psychological card on me and she
played them very well, oh my cunning foxy mama ;). Well this time I really received
a shock when we finally walked into a restaurant. TGI fridays. There were some
creepy people hiding their faces with menus. AND BEHOLD, my friends were there
once again. A second suprise. What a shocker, and two special unexpected guests too
Sze Lin and Zhi Yuen. HAHA Kwen FFK LOL!!! Anyways I was seriously pleasently
suprised and really happy too see all of you there :). Well, as gratitude I had to sing
for them infront of the restaurant. NICE............. =/
Spent the rest of the day with my only one after that :) thanks babe :)

Well, I received quite a few nice gifts this year and some "interesting" ones
too. I would like to extend thanks to those who wished me and gave me presents.
Thanks Jessy for the bag, Ill use it till my dying days haha :). Thanks Minnie, Stef,
Kenneth, Jermaine, Terk, Adrian, Sze Jin, Neighbour, Sze Lin, Zhi Yuen, Shi Fang
Tze Yi, Bryan and sorry to anyone who Ive missed out for the cake and the other
gifts as well. Really appreciate it guys :D

A special thanks to Kwen. Jess is going to kill you bro! LOL!!!

Anyways turning 20 is something surreal to me. The first digit of my age has
changed, like for GOOD. Ive been pondering about this lately and I cant help
but feel old I guess. I know its the peak of my life, but I can honestly say, all that
teenage bullshit is way behind me lol. Well lets see the significance of this age shall
we?

1) I have 1 more year to grow
2) 1 more year to freedom
3) 1 more year before all the cells in my body are completely replaced
4) 1 year away from being a teen
5) 1 year into being an adult

In my opinion, I dont really care about growing up, or attaining my freedom. The
only thing I look forward to being 20 is still having my friends and family by my side.
20 years I have set foot on this dusty planet Ive made many regrets, alot of mistakes
ups and downs bla bla bla, the same old cliche shit coming back again. But honestly
if I could turn back time, I wouldnt. Because I wouldnt have learnt from my mistakes,
be where I currently stand and I wouldnt be who I am today. As for those who stood
beside me, those who are currently by my side and even to those who I dont speak with
anymore, I would like to extend another thanks to all of you, for making me who I am
today.

Before I blew those candles out, I only had a single wish, that you'll be by my side, now and always

Fantasy comes alive?

hap.pi.ness
function: noun
1: good fortune
2: state of well being and contentment
3: JOY: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

Have you ever wondered what is the true meaning of happiness? How do you
attain it? In my opinion most people don't even know how it feels like because
they are too busy or too naive to notice. Most people would misplace other
insignificant feelings with happiness. In a nutshell, they won't even notice it
even if it hit them right in the face.

In life everyone is in this wild hunt, a pursuit if you may, for happiness(I know, very cliche).
Everyone wants to be happy, no? Of course! Its in our nature to seek gratification
and avoid unwanted feelings. Only crazy people in life would always want to be
sad and angry. So what makes us happy? What gives us the feeling of satisfaction,
pleasure and contentment? Well to some people the source of happiness comes
from fast cars, designer clothes, that new handphone that just came out, a laptop
with great specs, that mouth-watering cake, getting good results, allowance from
our parents and so much more.

Wouldn't you be happy if you had any of the above? Eventhough everyone has
different sources of happiness but why not right? However if you noticed, the points
mentioned aboved are of course sources of happiness, but only temporarily. Why?
Well, a new laptop is of course a new laptop! But eventually life goes on, after all
its just a laptop right? However, there is a drive within us and urge if you may, that
keeps us wanting more. We will never be satisfied with what we have and carry on
demanding for more material possesions(happiness in the form of objects). It is a
fact that we cannot be satisfied with what we have and within a certain period of
time we would want ANOTHER handphone, ANOTHER laptop and perhaps
A NEW car, the latest of course. Its simple human nature that we cannot cure.

Well, does that mean that happiness is only temporary? Not necessarily. Happiness
in my opinion, is something that most of us take for granted. We constantly concentrate
on the THINGS we want so badly, to the point we fail to notice the PEOPLE we already
have. Material objects will often be cast aside and replaced but the people in our lives
remain in our hearts forever. Well we fail to notice that the people, who are always
by our side are the ones that makes us happiest. We are so used to it that we take them
for granted and give credit to material possesions for our happiness. Well who are these
people? To some of us it may be our best friend, a lover, our parents or even our pets.

As for me, I have an unlimited source of happiness and it took we a while to realise,
self actualization if you will. Well, I really cherish my source and I protect it dearly. I
can't stand life without it as the world only seems empty and colourless without it.
Nothing can light up and electrify every fiber of my body like she does. She's my goldmine,
of infinite happiness the rainbow at the end of the dark violent storm. Life seems only
incomplete without her. My pursuit for happiness is finally over. Time to stop chasing
in life and start appreciating. ILY babe :)