Melaka Trip II

Wish upon a boat

Headed to Melaka once again with coursemates to gather some information for
our assignment. The last time I went there was quite recent, it was one of those
beginning of semester trips we have before the assignments poured in. Never
would I imagine going down there again FOR assignment purpose. Regardless
we did what we had to do and it was quite a good trip, eventhough it was just a
day trip.

Got up 7 in the morning and left around 7:45. Ive never woken up this early in
a very long time and I felt like a secondary school student zombie once again. We
took the same kampung path we did the last time before reaching the highway.
The weird part was regardless of how kampung it got, it really reminded me of
Semenyih, except those kampungs which had cow's and stuff, those are the
ghettos of Malaysia lol.

At the highway the driver got kinda sleepy, so I took over. What a feeling it was
being on the road again. After weeks of mindless assignment work, a long drive
was rather therapeutic for me. I dont't know why, but a long drive does me good
whenever Im stressed or down. Being on the road and moving fast gives me a
feeling of freedom somehow. It just feels as though Im moving at the same speed
as our fast paced lives. This semester just seems to be a slow and dark one, and
yet it feels like its fleeting by ever so swiftly. Anyways back to the trip.

We headed to Jasin, somewhere in the outskirts of Melaka. It was there where
we gathered information for our coursework. I will not divulge any information
here for the sake of ethics(such a good jr psychologist). It's a very quiet town
and suprisingly big, but it was filled with those wooden traditional Malay houses
and pre-war shoplots. It didnt take too long to get what we wanted and we
were very satisfied with our findings. With the feeling of satisfaction off we
drove to Melaka.

When we reached the town, the familiar feelings came back. The sight of the red
church, the colourful trishaws and the british colonial buildings brought out all
the memories of a 9 year old me who visited the place with my family a long time
ago. But there was something definitely different. Im not sure why I didnt realise
this the last time I came, but Melaka isnt what it used to be. What was suppose
to be a town which was suppose to maintain it's cultural image instead morphed
into a modern tourist trap. The trishaws that once peacefully roam the tiny town
now have amps installed and they blast techno music. What used to be shops selling
antiques and other intricate relics are now replaced with cafes and bars with
overpriced drinks meant for the whites. Shops which used to sell beautiful handmade
keychains now sell plastic couple keychains and other cute souvenirs.

As we walked into jonker street it just felt like a whole new Melaka. The old
historical, rustic and wooden charm of Melaka is slowly dying. Regardless, it
still has the cosy feeling of it. Im just sad by the time my "kids" come in, the
charm of it may be completely lost. I know Penang is going through the same
thing, but it's out with the old and in the with the new. I dont mind a single
bit :)

Anyways, we did a really unique thing in Melaka. It's called the wishing boats.
As you can see from the picture above this post, there are some boats which
ferry tourists by the riverside of Melaka. These boats constantly cruise under
pedestrian bridges. The concept is you grab a coin and make a wish, when the
boats comes close you throw the coin on the roof of the boat where it will remain.
Haha, it's something we made up on our own. I made the same wish twice, I
hope it really comes true :(

We spent the day walking and mostly laughing. It's good to feel relaxed again
after all the stress and confusion. Im glad I had a tiny holiday from life. Till
we meet again Melaka.. :)

Updates

Hey guys, I know I have blogged a lot about factual stuff that you guys really
dont need to know about and nothing about myself. Im also quite aware that
this blog died for awhile before I revived it again causing me to lose a quite a
significant number of my already very small population of readers.
None-the-less I shall continue blogging for my own personal reasons. This
blog has contained quite a lot of memories and it would be a real shame to
just let it go. Regardless of how long this blog may go inanimate I shall
eventually come back to it :)

I do not usually like to blog about myself, but since this is my blog after all
I feel that a few updates would not hurt ;) I shall list them down very
briefly here

1) In a social study conducted in UNMC, it was concluded from various respondents
that my brother looks wayyyyyyyyy younger then me. I dont know what's worse,
the fact that he is 3 years older then me or the fact that I look half my age.

2) I have mastered a few dishes through cooking experiments in my kitchen. F.Y.I
the 5 second rule does not apply on my kitchen floor. It's more like -5 second rule.

3) Kenneth a.k.a FJORD or htknnek has 4 packs. Dont believe me? Ask him to take
off his shirt(true fact).

4) Yih Quan is not around anymore, sigh. This means that I have been atleast a few
months sober. That bioscience birthday party does not count! I could still do pumping
after that lol.

5) Retardo learns how to shake and sit. Just like stoner :D

6) Stoner is dead :( Found her dead. Cause of death unknown.

7) Im getting slightly more proficient in mandrin! Im becoming more of a mango
than a banana hahaha. Still can't completely form full sentences though, just can
order food.

8) Assignments are closing in and Im scared shitless.

9) The guy upstairs is still smelly

10) Im homesick :(

Well, that is all the updates I have for now. This semester has been a really fast
one. It just feels like yesterday I was unpacking my stuff, today Im already working
my butt off on assignments. Speaking of assignments I have to get back to mine
before I lose track of time again. :)

Truth

What is unconditional love?

The meaning of unconditional love sounds simple. Unconditional love means that
you will love someone no matter what they do. This does not mean that you do
not see their faults. You just continue loving them in spite of these faults.

That is the simple meaning to it. When most people are asked about it, they say
they receive it and they provide from and to their loved ones. They say it with
full confidence, I said it myself too once. But when more thought was put into it,
I told myself the term seemed to good to be true. How can you continue loving
someone regardless of what they did?

What if your loved one hurt you? What if he/she cheated on you? What if he/she
is a criminal? What if they are of a different race? Age? Religion? There are a
thousand more ifs and a thousand more things someone can tolerate. But how far
exactly does the limit of one's tolerance stretches? Even love which has braved
storms many times before can be eventually shattered by a mere breeze.

The truth is, love can be a very simple and yet very complicated thing. It is very
simple in the sense where two people are attracted to each other and they form a
bond together which lasts from just a few days to an eternity. It is complicated in
a sense where the person you hate the most is also you love and care for the most.
It seems that in life, everything goes both ways, you can't have something good
without something bad accompanying it.

With "unconditional" love, it just seems to break the code of life. To love someone
indefinitely regardless of how much they hurt you. It just seems that with that
kind of love you only choose to see the good. What if you choose to unconditionally
love someone who continually hurts you? Seems rather impossible right? Seems
rather divine doesn't it? But whether you believe it or not, my opinion is that it
does not exist. Love like that only exists in fairytales.

Beholder

Who am I?

Have you pondered upon this question before? What do you perceive yourself as?
What is your personality? How do you behave? What are your intentions? What
role do you play among your family and friends? What is your purpose of living?
Right about now you may or may not have the answers to these questions. But
how much do you really know about yourself?

Most of us have a rough idea about who we are. We know our attitudes be it the
active sort or the passive sort. We roughly know about how patient we are, be it
short tempered or tolerant towards others. We can observe our intelligence
through our test results. We can judge our appearance looking at the toilet mirror
every morning. There are endless ways how we see ourselves and what we
perceive ourself as.

But do you really think that the judgements you make upon yourself is correct?
Do you think you really know who you are? Some of us may have the benefit of
the doubt. There are those who have a certain level of rationale to make correct
judgements about themselves while the rest of us are not that priviledged. You

see, people make general assumptions based on their own knowledge. But exactly
how accurate is your general knowledge? Do you think your assumptions are valid?
It really depends on how intelligent you are and how much you know about something.
There will always be errors and discrepancies in our assumptions. Having said so,
can you really make valid judgement about who you are?

You see, we tend to perceive ourselves as who we want to be. We tend to reject and
deny the negative qualities about ourself. For instance lets say that I see myself as
the patient sort and Im a good listener. I would remember the times when I listened
and comforted a broken hearted friend but, I wouldnt even realise it when I yell at my
brother for criticizing my dangerous driving. Some of us tend to be vain and stare at
the mirror at every opportunity we have. Regardless of how good looking we vision
ourself as, it really depends on other people to judge our appearance. So as you can
see, we tend to distort the knowledge about ourselves. Only the important people
in our lives can make accurate judgements about us.

As for those who have a more or less accurate perception of themselves, I salute you.
But are you someone you want to be or someone you should be? There is a fine line
between want and should. For example, lets say you are someone who actively donates
to charitable organizations. Do you donate because you want to or do you do it because
others are doing it as well? Or lets say you have good grades because you have a
targeted career in mind or because you want to please your parents. Or perhaps you
have alot of friends, therefore you see yourself as someone friendly, but deep down
you can stand dejection and being alone.

So, do you really know who you are? Are you sure? Well I dont :(

Society

For millions of years, humans have taken many forms through evolution. We once
lived in the water, we were once apes and now we take on our current humanoid form.
Despite the fact that we were once very different, we share a common characteristic. An
instinct we had for millions of years and many more to come. The basic instinct of survival.
The instinct that drives us to live, the instinct that has kept our species existant till today.

The survival instinct basically drives us into doing anything to keep us alive and ensure the
continuity of our species. During the harsh conditions back then, our ancestors had to run,
steal, kill, rape and commit many other atrocities which are unacceptable to our civilized and

tamed society today. Back then there was no order or law, our ancient ancestors were

animals amongst other animals.

In our present time, with order in our society humans still carry with them the instinct of
survival. We can observe this through our daily routine and behaviour in our social life. We
have our methaphorical food chain where we avoid those above our social hierachy which
are a threat to us and we "prey on" or manipulate those who we feel are below us. We move in
"packs" or our so called cliques. We do whatever it takes to survive in Uni, from studying
really hard to cheating in a test for the sake of our future. We find those "desperate" friends
of ours who constantly look for companions who are subconsciously following the survival
instinct of continuing the species. We "prowl" or "stalk" on facebook to get to know our
friends or evens enemies better. We have feel jealous when people harrass or talk to our
mates, we feel angry when people hurt our friends and we gossip/bitch because we are
protecting and maintaing our territory. This is less related to the survival instinct of our
ancestors but somewhat applied to our social world.

In a more realistic notes, the behaviours of our ancestors can still be seen today. There
are cases where people steal, why would they do such things? To put food on the table of
course. However, there is a difference between stealing for survival and stealing for the sake

of greed. I however personally feel that both are contingent. There are still people out there
who commit rape. Lust is actually an animalistic instinct to breed but rapists are however
still wrong as they lack self control. We still find people who kill, coerce, threaten, harrass
and humiliate others. All of this done for the sake of their own survival. Truly even today
in certain environments, its survival of the fittest.

As we can observe, the survival instinct is part of our human programming. For millions
of years we have behaved this way and we will continue doing so. Some of us may have
more self control and have a sense of empathy for others while some may not. Despite
the fact as that we perceive ourselves as the intelligent beings we see today, we still are
infact animals of our modern world

Anchor Effect

One thing I realise lately is that people tend to change over time. I have always
gotten used to the fact that people will change and I will in turn change my perspective
as well so I can adapt towards their new behaviour or attitude. So far that has served
me well and I did not lose alot of friends, just some of course which were never really
friends to begin with. However, recently that was not the case. I found out that it is
not exactly time that changes people, it is the situations that arises as time goes by

There was a term I heard..

In the time of need, those who have always been there for you may abandon you and
those who you expected to knock you down will pick you up.

When I read this term I felt that whoever quoted it must have been really stupid and
have no common sense as this statement did not seem to hold any form of logic. Well
maybe in movies but hardly in real life. However I have been sadly proven wrong as
of late. I realise that shit does happen sometimes. There are people out there who make
you feel like you are significant to them and they show all forms of care and concern.
They give you advice based on their own opinion try to prevent you from doing something
which they assume you will regret.

At first I thought people that kind and generous will make invalueble friends. How wrong
was I, what seemed like concern and friendship had all been some form of illusion. Let me
clarify. Sometimes, people have feel a sense of belonging and dislike lonliness. They feel
bitter at the fact that others do not treat them the way the expect them to. They do not
feel appreciated by others and feel insignificant to most(due to their own attitudes perhaps).
Therefore they find friends who they feel are less intimidating and easy. They use them
as an anchor or a base to run to when they have no one else. They look down at them and
feel that they should and must be better than them(their anchors).

At anytime, when they feel threatened that their anchor is gonna be taken from them,
they jump into action and find all sorts of ways to harm, cockblock, sabotage and
demotivate their anchors in an attempt to keep them away from others. Not until they
find other friends of course. I dub this phenomena the Anchor Effect.

Sometimes when a situation arises where you are in need of help the most, the people
who you expect the most to be there for you actually may bring you down even further.
The people who you expect to hurt you when you are down sometimes may be the ones
who will be there for you when you least expect it. True story.

Friends

Im currently at tiscra now stealing some internet. Its been about 12 days now since
Ive been here and I must say that it has been both very boring and uneventful at
the same time. Im stuck now living alone in my dorm without internet. Day by day
going to the gym, having meals alone and playing offline games on the internet. Well
it isnt that sad actually, I do go out on one day intervals atleast. Its just that during
the intervals when Im at home, its just really boring.

During the first week was great though. Had quite alot of things to do such as helping
out during the watermelon party and catching up with uni friends. Well, by catching
up with them I meant having a drinking session at my place and going all the way to
Klang to have some Bak Kut Teh LOL! Had a versus of the slangs as well LOL!

On the same week I managed to catch up with some college friends. Didnt really go
anywhere but Sky Bar this weekend hopefully. I bumped into my secondary school
friends as well while out with my college friend. It was nice catching up with them
after about 2 years of not seeing them and had an awesome L4D2 session. I know
not something you would really do while catching up with old friends but it was fun.

Well on the sad side I have already sent off two good friends of mine. They are gonna
study abroad and its just gonna different here without them sigh. One of them is off
to the UK while the other is off to China. Well, wont be having much drinking sessions
nor trash talking no more without them around. Jolene is going off during the 22nd as
well to the UK. Siao PHOR! Get me more "blue" keychains arr? hahah. Sigh the 3 of
you will be sorely missed, all the best and do keep in touch.

Well, recently Jess dropped over her dog at my place with the case of tick's invasion.
At first it was an all out war as I had to pick vast amount of ticks from this dog. This
dog had it bad! But I gave it everything, from feeding it phenominal amounts of garlic
to applying garlic directly to its skin, bathing the dog with the chemical that minny
gave me and basically giving it a bath on alternate days. I dunno what did the trick
but the ticks are nearly extinct. Well the irony of it all is that as time passes I realise
that at the end of this day, the dog is taking care of me rather than me taking care of
it. It keeps me company, barks at strangers and my boring mornings are now spent
on walking it.

Well that is all the updates I have for now. I will diligently update this blog when the
internet in my house is up and running. Goodnight

Zombie Post II

An infection has occured in our so called beautiful country. With only our police

force and RELA to help out, there arent many survivors. Most of the politicians
have flown off on their helicopters by now. The country is filled with chaos and
its citizens abandoned to fend for them selves. Nobody escapes, not even the Mat
Rempits who try to "superman" away, crash and get eaten. This is a more logical
follow up to my previous related post.

You have been holding out in your dorm for 2 weeks now. You constantly check
the internet and listen to the radio for the news and updates regarding the outbreak.
Within 4 days, almost all radio stations stop broadcasting and within a week your
wireless internet stopped working for some odd reason. Your tried calling home a
few times but nobody picks up. You somehow manage to keep in touch with some
of your friends via handphone. Turns out they are holding out somewhere too. Some
at their own homes, some at shopping malls, restuarants, 7-11 etc etc. Within 3 days
your damn credit runs out and within a week after ure internet runs, you are
completely cut out from the outside world.

Why did I use the word outside world? Well first off that cheap plywood cupboard
provided by the dorm is pinned against your window and you study table is placed
against the door with your bedframe behind it. You sleep on the floor now, sleeping
on the bedframe is much too risky as a hand might bust through the door and grab
your hair or feet depending on which side your sleep. You have been living off snacks
you bought and instant noodles "cooked" with tap water. You dont see much sunlight
aside from peeking out your window through a crack in your cupboard. You dont see
much, infact you dont really hear much. But once in a while you hear a distant shuffle
and to your horror and faint moaning. But the only time you ever hear these sounds
are rare and far in between.

You wait another five more days and the anxiety drives you crazy. Your food is running
low, so are your hopes. What are you gonna do about it? Well first off, I suggest that you
move your ass. But before you move, where are you gonna go? Whats the plan? Well, in
Malaysia I'd suggest that you go somewhere remote and far away. There are many rural
areas in Malaysia, but I suggest you go to one that isnt used by motorists as a rest stop
before heading off to bigger cities. Agricultural areas such as estates and farms are least
likely to be affected by the infection.

Alright, you chose your destination already. Time to start packing. First off you need water,
but just carry enough for one day. There are probably ample places to refill along your journey.
Get used to drinking tap water, its way more convinient than walking into a store for
mineral water and getting eaten. Next you need a weapon. Something light and durable.
Choose something blunt, knives are not gonna be of any help here. Imagine this,

STAB
STAB
*munch*

Not a good idea. Get something thats long and blunt. Well, here are your choices, depending
on your circumstances. If you are in your dorm you may have a guitar/curtain frame/barbell
bar/piping from your toilet shower/wooden stool/floor lamp or that weapon that you always
keep beside you bed incase of robbers. Well, to you paranoid folks like myself congrats, you
finally have a chance to use this weapon that has already started to gather dust. As for me I
keep a metal pole by my bedside. The lesser surface area of the weapon the better, you need
enough pressure to bash a skull. Thats the only way of taking down the undead.

What happens next? You push your bedframe aside, followed by the study table. Clenching
on one hand is your weapon while the other reaches for the door. You make a silent prayer
before you turn the knob. You walk down the dark hallway silently listening intently to your
surroundings. You see bloodstains everywhere and there is a heavy stench in the air.
Suddenly a figure appears. It seems to be shuffling towards you in the most awkward
manner with the most eerie moan. Its that chubby girl that lives a few doors away from
yours and she looks like she really needs a good facial. You give her one, with your weapon.
Bitch made a lot of noise with her speakers anyways. You are gripped with fear, but steady
yourself, its something that you're gonna have to get used to if you wanna stay alive.

Alrighty, you made your way out of the dorm safely. First thing you need to do is to
gather supplies from somewhere. Any typical Malaysian would run off to a store to gather
food and BECOME food to the undead. But no, you're smarter than that, you instead run
off to a hardware store. Yes you heard me, hardware store! Well, I would like to make a
note here, this isn't America, where you can just run off to a abandoned weapon store filled
with weapons and go create a zombie massacre. This is Malaysia, THERE ARE NO GUNS.
Our arsenal consist of what? Parang? Keris? Tombak? Blowpipe? This is when the
hardware store comes in.

First off, before I continue here, Id like to explain why the hardware store has priority over
food stores. Thats what everyone will think of and thats where the undead population will
be most dense. You wont live long enough to finish all that food anyways. Alright, you
managed to find a hardware store a flew blocks down your dorm. Along the way there you
stumbled accross a few more ghouls, but you managed to evade them and outrun them as
their decomposed legs cant carry them far. First off, if your previous weapon wasnt good
enough, you can probably find a better one in a hardware store. Well, whats on the list?
Monkey Wrench/Axe/Sledge Hammer/Crowbar. Use your imagination. Then you might
wanna bring along some kerosene for molotov cocktails, you get my drift.

You got your stuff, what are you gonna do next? Your bag is getting a little too heavy.
Walking is becoming too dangerous as your stamina is taking a toll on you. This is when
being in Malaysia becomes an advantage. Those annoying motorbikes that cut you off
on the road, you are gonna do that to those rotten bastards. Thats if of course, if you
know how to ride a motorbike. You dont know? Go learn! Im sure there will be a few
abandoned somewhere or there will be one or two at vehicle showrooms around. Why
a bike? Being in a car is too dangerous. With our lousy roads and probably wreckage all
over the place you wont be going too far. With bikes you can easily cut across debree
and the undead. However finding a bike, is gonna be quite an issue.

If you are walking, I suggest you keep to the sidewalk and not in the open. Wear shoes,
not slippers. You will be doing alot of running and shoes are way more silent than the
sound of slippers smacking the floor. Avoid walking at places where there is a corner
or where you can be ambushed. Avoid having to engage the undead at all costs. If you
have the opportunity to run just do it. You run past them, and not into them. Always
listen to your surroundings, but your nose will be you best friend from now on. You
can smell them from a mile away. Basically, they stink, really badly. When you smell
them, you know its go time.

Top Ten Places to avoid.

1. Shopping Malls
2. Office Buildings
3. Apartments
4. Hospitals
5. Over Sized Houses
6. Factories
7. Tourist Attractions
8. Industrial Areas
9. Hotels
10. Parlimen

If you do survive, and if you finally find the perfect rural area to hold up, the next
thing to do is to look for other survivors. Start looking for food and water. Ensure
that your new territory is free from the undead. Best bet? Build a tree house! END

to or not to be continued

Untitled

When I was younger I have always feared the dark. Despite being in a familiar
place like my own bedroom or at my hallway, when the lights go off I would
just feel a sense of insecurity. I feel that being unable to see anything makes me
feel vulnerable. My imagination would then get wild, like crazy wild and start
conjuring weird shadows and figures in the dark. I can never be alone in a room
without the lights on.

Ive always welcomed the company of light. Infact I can only sleep better with
the light shining brightly on me. As a kid I would do anything to just get a little
light on me while I sleep. I would simply just leave the light on, leave my room
door slightly ajar so hallway lights would come in, get a night light or maybe
get a torchlight. You see, its not really the dark that I fear, it the sense of
insecurity that drives me off the freaking wall.

Now a days, its really quite the opposite. I can walk through half my house in pitch
darkness and not really flinch a single bit. Im used to sleeping alone in my room
which is now twice the size of my old room in the dark. I can take a leak in the toilet
or sometimes even a dump when the lights are all off. In fact when its night time
sometimes light can really annoy me. When Im in my room trying to sleep, I would
always have to put my pillow over my head to shield my eyes from light seeping in
from the hallway or from the street lamp outside.

I guess having insomnia sort of makes darkness a part of your life. Well, maybe not
insomnia, just a milder case perhaps. Well, in a less fancier word its a troubled mind

and an empty heart that keeps me awake. Lying down on my bed staring at the
ceiling, once menacing shadows are now all too familiar. My thoughts once
wildly conjuring terrible horrors now given a chance to abolish them and give room
for other thoughts.

Thoughts about you..

How you were able to speak to my heart and not my ears..
How you were able to touch my soul and not my body..
How you were able to bring me bliss and rarely sorrow..
How you were able to make me see love and not beauty..
How you were able to make me feel whole and not hollow..
How you were able to bring me smiles and not tears.....
How we were able to cast one and not two shadows...

Black Balloon

Hello everyone, thats if there are still readers out there. I do apologize for
the inconsistency of my updates due to the apathy I have towards this blog.
Well, its because Ive been working under minimum wage this summer and
I just get kinda tired when I get home hence I have no mood to update this
blog.

I have however just stop work because summer is ending soon and I felt that
I have not done what I planned on doing this summer. I felt that this summer
is rather uneventful and I feel a tad bit disappointed for letting myself
waste the abundance of time I had. I felt I havent really catched up with my
friends because they themselves have become busier. I can honestly say that Ive
reached the stage where Im close to drifting apart from some. As for me, all I
can say is whatever will be, will be. Bridges are meant to be built halfway on
your side, if even the foundations were never built by the otherside, I see no
point crossing.

As for work, the people are friendly and the working environment can be fun. But
it was not something I wanted. I didnt want to work for the experience this summer
as I know that I would be doing the same for the next summer. I wanted to earn this
year and I didnt. That extra income could have helped me get some stuff that I have
been eyeing on for awhile. I just felt that it wasnt really worth it since Ill have to do
the same next year and there will never be another opportunity of doing so. The
field in which my training was based didnt suit my studies either. So I felt no purpose
in what I did and it was all a big waste of time.

But the upside for this summer is that it was a big eye opener for me. Ive learnt alot
work, family and stuff I went through this summer. Ive learnt that people change
and when they do, its hardly for the best. It is however pointless to change them
back because its in their nature and its who they are. Ive also seen the true nature
of certain individuals after knowing them for a long time. The first impression is
mostly if not always a far cry from the last. Ive also learnt alot about myself, Ive
learnt that Ive always waited for things to come my way, and hardly take the
initiative to do certain things. Just like the idle frog always waiting for the fly, I
never chase towards what I want. I see everything in a different reality now and
Im more battle scarred than ever..

Tick Cock

"Hello, may I speak to Jenny from accounting department please?"
"Yes speaking?"
"This is Ronald here calling from ***, has the director returned the signing pages yet?"
"How should I KNOW?!"
"Well, ermm the tax department wants them by wednesday or a penalty will be imposed."
"Im quite aware of that okay??! Ill send them to you as soon as possible!!"
*PLAP!*
*line goes dead*

Just another great way of starting work in the morning as a trainee auditor. You see,
life isnt easy for the bottom leveled auditor or even for the highest ranking one. Work
mostly consists of mundane and tedious paper work which nobody really wants to do.
Not much accounting is involved really, maybe just somewhere beyond the basics but
not much further than that. Our job is somewhat almost similar to an admin job, yet
it is also somewhat similar to accounting except in a very general way.

So far I have been through several phases of being a trainee auditor. Well the first phase
was vouching. Basically you check to the figures in the accounts and you refer to receipts
to back those amounts up. Just to prove that the money went in or came out in a legit
manner. The second phase was being the photostater boy. You see, being in an auditing
firm where work is tedious and everything must be done with ZERO mistakes, nobody
really trust the trainee(btw im the youngest in the office) with the real stuff. So I dont
have much to do in the office, constantly begging my seniors for something to do. In the
end Ill always end up photostating something for them. From a few measely documents

to a whole bag full or journals, Ive photostated them all. Well, new post today! Phone
answering boy. To be honest Im really afraid of answering the phone, but I guess its
me crawling out of my comfort zone again haha.

Well, being in a firm where work is tedious, I tend to know some cranky people. People
from other companies that we often liaise with, usually accountants are cranky people
as well, for example that conversation I had stated above. Not everyone is cranky though,
the are more nice people than grumpy ones actually. Even in the midst of doing overtime,
where stress is stabbing ure shoulders, some of my colleagues can crack jokes as well.
Which made me think alot, the work isnt the cause of the bad attitude then what does?

Im pretty sure everyone knows a person or two, perhaps a friend, a colleague or a sibling
whose always short on their temper or always cranky. Well, ever wondered why they have
always been like that? Im sure its not something inate or something that our shortfused
comrades were born with. I believe that angry people are like that because of resent they
have from things that are currently occuring or perhaps something in the past which they
experienced, something which they have carried with them for a very long time. I believe
some of these people even forget why they were so angry for in the first place to the point
where there is no way of resolving it since its forgotten, therefore they permanently stick
that way.

Well, its something which we will never really find out about nor will we be able to fix it.
Fact of life, there are cranky and angry people out there but we just have to accept them
for the way they are. And I have to face them for another 3-4 weeks =.=

311009

So far, Ive had three summer breaks. For each one that passes me by, something sad
always happens. I cant imagine why would such a happy time like summer would be
a time when I will be at my worst and when I feel at my lowest. However this summer
I must admit has got to be the worst. I have had many dark chapters in my life but none
as depressing or lonely as this.

Its just that when I let someone in, I etch or carve a part of them into my heart and
in high hopes wishing they were here to stay. However when things dont go well,
I have to scratch away the surface to remove the etches thus it becomes a little
smaller everytime that happens. I guess now I know how some people become
heartless.

I guess algebra has nothing on this.

People say that time heals all wounds, but people didnt tell me that time will take
its time. I guess I will just have to bear with it and be strong. Last summer I had
you to care for me and to bring me back on my feet. I guess now I have no one...

Between Complexity and Reality

Life, its mostly like algebra. It seems complex and difficult, but when you do it you
soon realise that it is fairly simple. It only seems hard because it looks different,
having numbers side by side with letters makes it seem very intimidating and almost
impossible to do. Its just that sometimes in life, we do not wanna try new things or
meet certain people because we find the negative in most things first due to the caution

we adopted from past experiences. Its only when we get out of our comfort zone when

we tell ourselves "Hey this doesn't seem too bad, I can get used to this."

Just like my current job im taking up in an auditing firm. I have never worked a

single day in my life before(excluding small time jobs). It was completely out of my
comfort zone for a variety of reasons. Number one, Im extremely bad with numbers,
the idea of doing auditing is a complete nightmare for me. Number two, meeting new
people: being the introvert I am, having the luxury of long time friends around me all
the time does not help being in a firm full of strangers. Number three, I have never
worked, never intended to anytime soon and here I am. Facing long hours at work
and doing tedious tasks.

Well, it didnt seem too bad. I never remained nervous for too long at first. Although
I may be bad with numbers, but I had alot of helpful seniors helping me as I audited
each company. After 3 weeks of work everything looks dandy and I finally have at
least some control over things. As for the second reason, people here are actually quite
friendly. They may be speaking mandrin half the time but atleast they are not bossy
in any way and the are kinda funny too. As for the third reason, working seems ok to
me. I dont mind doing tedious stuff and I seem to be self motivated which suprises
myself.

Most things always seem hard at first but after a while, or maybe even immediatly
you realise that nothing is completely out of reach. You have to give everything a try
before you make stereotypical and judgemental assumptions on things. Its good to
get out of your comfort zone once in a while, only then will you realise that your
comfort zone much bigger compared to what you once thought. :)

Summer Breeze

Hey everyone, Im currently back in Penang. I drove down yesterday and here I am
now. Its nice to be back home after so long, it feels as though I dont live here anymore,
but Im getting used to living under one roof with my family once again. Even after 4
months being away from home, I realise that some things do change while others will
always remain the same. Its great to be home, I guess...

I got back from the Hong Kong trip not long ago and it was quite ok. The trip involved
rushing to several locations around HK and Shen Zhen. We got the chance to see most
of HK and Shen Zhen. However in Shen Zhen I didnt like the tourguide too much as he
boasted and talked about a supermarket somewhere around the area before dropping
us there. It was a china equivalent of a Tesco and we were there for 2 hours. However
overall the trip is good. I had a lot of fun and got most of my friends souvenirs, not all
however. Had some financial difficulties before the trip haha.

If asked about HK and Shen Zhen, I would say its a place where it is developing really
fast and people there are much more hip and modern than I have previously perceived.
The one thing similar about these two locations are that they both are haven for those
who enjoy a good bargain and shopping for cheap stuff. Transportation here is much
better compared to Malaysia. In Malaysia, the KTM from Kajang to Midvalley takes
45 minutes. The train in HK takes the same amount of time to go to China. Malaysia
boleh! It is also a place where people seem to be always stepping on your foot and
walking off as though nothing had happened. The food however is quite unique there
in certain ways which makes it good, because it is something else and it tastes good.
Many thanks to Jermaine for the hardwork she has put into the planning and organizing.

Since I will be in Penang for about 3 months plus I will be doing internship either in
PWC or Deloitte, that is if I get accepted in. If anyone has any suggestions regarding
job offers please do let me know, thanks :). As for now Ill start looking around and
applying. I need the experience and the work ethic Ive missed out on wasted holidays
spent on gaming and virtually doing nothing. Well thats about it for now, will update
again soon :)

I miss you dear, its such a pain for me to be here without you :(

High Time

Hey guys, sorry no updates lately due to the exams. However, I have one more
important paper tomorrow and a rather insignificant one on the 27th. So I shall
declare myself pseudo free from tomorrow onwards. Honestly I cant wait for this
paper to end so I can get my well deserved sleep and perhaps spend time watching
all the movies Ive missed out. Movies Ive missed out on:
1) Iron Man2
2)Ip Man 2
3) Nightmare on Elm street
4) Clash of the Titans
5) Kick Ass

There are probably more but Im not sure what movies are out there currently, this
shows how unupdated I am regarding the movie scene lol. Anybody out there who
for some funny reason hasnt watched Iron Man 2 yet? Nobody will watch it with me
cos everyone else watched it and the others who hasnt think its lame :(. Well its either
that or Im just gonna go buy some dvds

After exams Ill be heading to Hong Kong for a short holiday. Really looking forward to
that because Ive never been anywhere overseas with my friends before hehe and of
course someone special. I kinda need this short vacation because Ive been through
two academic semesters simultaneously and it wont take long before I go through
burn-out lol. After that Ill be driving back to Penang with ah Pui(haha kidding Kwen).
Well thank God for that if not ill be all alone going back home.

Speaking about home Im kinda home sick cos its been awhile since I was in Penang.
It kinda sucks because the last time I got back I didnt do much and didnt really get
to hang out with my friends. Well it wont be long, only two weeks from now hehe. When
I get back Im probably gonna look for a job. Hopefully one with reasonable pay because
I want to earn some extra pocket money. Internship and experience is for next year
I guess. This would be the only summer where I get would get the opportunity to earn
some cash. Ive never really worked long term before, so I guess this would too be a first.

Despite the fact that Ill be heading back to Penang, Ill be stopping by KL every once in
a while as well. Hopefully my job schedule wouldnt be too tight and Ill be able to do my
own things as well. Ill be coming down for Pc fair, hopefully to meet up with my secondary
school friends and of course to visit her. Sometime during this long 4 month summer
holiday Ill be heading to Thailand with a friend as well, not really planned out yet, but
its gonna happen on a random day lol! Hope it works out, kinda looking forward to some
road trips during the summer. It'll just be wrong not having road trips :(

Anyway its only during exam periods where you feel a sense of escapism where you wanna
do everything else but study. Why is it that during the exam period, there are many other
things to do aside from studying, but during the holidays there always seems to be nothing
to do. Well I guess, a psychology case study is at hand, but neh whose free enough. Next
academic semester its gonna different hopefully, its kinda frustrating having everything
done last minute, its very demoralizing. Next semester will be officially graded for my
degree. No more fooling around I guess.

Its just kinda sad that my first year is finally coming to an end. Its the only time to ever
have fun and probably to slightly slack a bit on studies, but I guess its over now. Time to
get serious, sigh :(

Alright time for some sleep before my paper tmr then Im free! Cant wait..

Econology

Exams are closing in and here I am blogging lol. I dont know why but I just
feel compelled to update this blog despite the lack of readers. I guess I live
in a world with an imaginary audience who actively bothers to read this blog
and stalk me lol. To those who are loyal to this blog please give me a shoutout
in my cbox just so I know that Im not crazy haha. Sometimes I feel like through
updating this blog im somewhat talking to myself and catering to no one. Prove
me wrong people! lol..

For the past few days Ive been reading Psychology and Economics. Not a very
good combination as they do not complement each other AT ALL. So its kinda
messing up my brain abit. How I wish in a way that you could apply psychology
into economics, such as brainwashing people to increase demand and brainwashing
workers to increase supply. That would be a cool way of applying psychology.
Sadly psychology is not really about brainwashing people FYI, its more about
understanding why people behave in certain ways and how we can help them cope.

Been reading up on neurotic people, and I can really relate to that. I know so
many people who fit under that criteria and I finally understand why they
behave that way lol. The fun part about psychology is that it applies to everyday
real life and it can be related to you or people around you. Although it is a pain
in the ass to read, it is actually kinda interesting and it makes perfect sense
of certain things in life that we are often confused about. Haha and sometimes
you can put people in certain categories, categories of the mentally ill that is :p

New housemate moved in btw. Poor fella doesnt have a laptop and is really
bored LOL! Earlier he was literally walking around the house looking into drawers,
opening the store room door and staring at empty space. Not too long ago he decided
to do the dishes haha. Well, thats how I felt when I first moved in. I had a laptop but
not internet! :(

Gonna go back to study la.. Quite worried dy :((

@__@

This picture cheers me up alot sometimes. It can mean many things to many
different people. Its true that the same thing may look completely different to

two different people. What does it mean to you?

Fast Forward

This blog has been officially been pronounced dead, but not to worry Im

gonna bring it back :). Ive not been updating this blog lately because I
have been busy with quite a lot of things lately to the point where I forgot
I even had a blog lol. Not to worry, Ill abandon this blog when I say it, for
now Im gonna try and keep the updates flowing.

Ive been really busy this month, especially with assignments. But Ive handed
in all my assignments already and Ive entered my study break. Although my
exams are in 3 weeks time, I havent really started. Lol, Im starting tomorrow,
I swear. Got quite a lot of theory subjects but Id choose that over maths any
day. Psychology is interesting, but I hope I dont screw it up again =(. My
confidence towards the subject isnt exactly very high.

This semester has whizzed by really quickly, and it feels like its just been a
month. The whole of first year felt like it was all under one semester as
we had both sem 1 and sem 2 continuously with just really short breaks
in between. This semester was kinda fun, but too much fun to be honest. Im
gonna work my ass off during these 3 weeks to compensate for all the lost time.
I dont like this :(.

Im gonna work this summer, dad says he is gonna find someone for me within
the HR field of atleast the psych field to take me in as an intern. Im kinda looking
forward to that because Ive not had real work experience before. I want a taste
of the discipline of the workforce and the feelings of being rewarded by pay. I know
its not gonna be easy and its not gonna be fun and games but I wanna experience
it. The pay isnt all that hot for interns though. Well, gotta go through that like it
or not.

Yesterday was the birthday of someone really dear to me. Im so glad to see the
smile on her face :). It made all the planning and coordinating worth it. Im glad that
everything went smoothly thanks to the help of everyone especially Jermaine, the
brains behind the operation hehe. Happy birthday dear :)

What lies ahead 2

I once said in this blog that nothing in life lasts forever, and that we should
not delve into the past or look into the future. I dont really know why I said it
but in a way I was afraid of it as well. I was afraid of the future, because
future means change. I like the way things are right now, and I liked the
way things were back then but I guess everyone is susceptible to life
changes. Changes are barriers to many things, they get in the way of
our way of life, but it does not mean that we cant change change. Yes, that
wasnt a typo, Im talking about changing change. Modifying it in a way to
accomodate us and suit it towards the way we want it. However in order
to do this, you require some motivation and support. Its obvious that not
everyone can go through change alone, someone else needs to be there
for you when it does come. If you face change alone, you realise that you
will be more alone than ever.

You cant expect things to be the way you want it to be, you cant expect
life to be a bed of thornless roses. But you can make things the way you
want it to be, all that is needed is a push or a drive of some sort to carry
forward. If things dont turn out the way you expect it to be, you can
always make use of what you already have, instead if giving up everything
all together. Nothing in life ever comes easy for anyone, life isnt fair to
anyone. If you give up when something seems almost impossible to you,
you might as well give up on everything else. It is strange how us humans
can strive so hard to achieve our goals, but when it comes down to something
else important such as keeping someone by your side, they just barely even
try.

It is infact very depressing when you look into the future, because it only
seems bleak and colourless. But that is only because some of us look at it
that way. If we always expect the worse to happen, and make our own
conclusions about a negative future, then our future will turn out as a
really lousy one. You reap what you sow and the future will turn out the
way you want it to be. However, not all hope is lost. If you look into the
future more positively, and be more optimistic, it will turn out the way you
want it to be. This one of the steps one must take in order to change change.

So babe, why choose to be sad for what is about to come? Why cant we
look into things more positively from now on? I cant be the only one that
is being optimistic. I need you as well, to be there by my side encouraging
me to look forward to what lies ahead for both us. I know that I said that
nothing lasts forever, but you changed my perspective. Without you I
would have never seen things that way. I would have always been the
negative person I always was, I am no longer the pessimist I always was.
Im so sorry for making you think the way I did before. Im just too afraid
to admit that I was so terrified by the change that might happen to us.
But im not afraid anymore, because you are the only one I rather be with,
and my only biggest fear, more than anything else is losing you. Im so so,
sorry for all the things Ive said, I wish I could take it all back and replaced
them with nicer words. I know that you are not in a really good mood right
not, but babe, can you atleast think about it? Will you please forgive me?

I love you

Pembetulan

Dear friends, today I shall take a drastic step to resolve a problem we
have been having for a very long time. We'll it isnt exactly a very big
problem but Im just gonna help anyways. This post will be dedicated
to curing cinaism(cina.ism). Well what is cinaism you ask? Its when
our beloved english language is spoken wrongly in a way where it
changes the meaning(not the grammar). The grammar is for your
english teacher to correct not me. Im not here to poke fun at
anybody but just to make people aware of the mistakes they make
without even noticing it and hopefully they will change it.

Well for one thing, those who have this cinaism problem, they tend
to assume that words that sound the same have the same meaning.
Im not sure where they get this idea but let me show you some examples.

OMG~~~ I have splits ants!
The correct way of saying this would be:
Omg, I have split ends.

I will have a burger instant la~~~ ^.^
The correct way of saying this would be:
I'll have a burger instead

WhAt SnAKES You HaVE GoT~~~?
The correct way of saying this would be:
What snacks do you have?

I have put in so much afford, but all in vains leh, haihx..
The correct way of saying this would be:
I have put in so much effort, but it was all in vain, sigh.

I hurt what you said earlier, plx away!
The correct way of saying this would be:
I heard what you said earlier, please go away!

There are more seriously, if I write further it will become case sensitive lol.
Anyways those with cinaism also tend to make words plural for no apprent
reason. Im not sure why they do this but let me show you guys some and
give the appropriate corrections.

HEY GUYS ^___^ I really appreciates your helping*~*~
The correct way of saying this would be:
Hey guys, I really appreciate your help.

Thank for your helps, hehe.
The correct way of saying this would be:
Thanks for your help, hehe.

I will going backs later a bit.
The correct way of saying this would be:
I will go back a bit later.

ThaNk GodS My ExAM OvEr oLeDI!
The correct way of saying this would be:
Thank God my exam is over already.

Well, thats not all. Some sentences are just way beyond repair, to the point
where the mistakes identified are too many. These errors are quite common
and are commonly seen around.

I am so BORINGGGGGGGGgg
The correct way of saying this would be:
Im bored.

The thing about the sentence above is, the meaning has been completely changed.
You are trying to say that you're bored, but the sentence really means that you
are trying to tell the world that you're a boring person. Dont get it wrong.

My time table is so screwed up, but I try synchronise!
The correct way of saying this would be:
no correction available

One thing about those with cinaism is that when they watch a movie or hear
someone say a nice sounding word, they tend to use it without understanding
its meaning or the way it is used. It is a good effort that some people try
impressing others by using big words, but if these big words are used wrongly
and used in improperly structured sentences they are of no value and you make
yourself look silly because its a waste of a perfectly big word.

Well, I shall stop here. I shall once again stress that this post was never inteneded
to poke fun at anyone, haha who am I kidding?! LOL! Well, I hoped it helped. The
sentences above were taken from wall posts and blogs, these sentences were edited
to prevent humiliation of others. Spank you.

Heavy World

When you are out somewhere public, like in campus, by the streets,
in the shopping malls, or wherever and watch the vast numbers of
daily strangers that pass by, do you ever feel curious about their
stories? Well, lets take a look from this point of view. Everyone has
their own story about their life, nobody's life is ever boring or dull,
everyone has been through life experiences and have their own
stories to either tell or keep it to themselves.

For instance, you see an old frail woman by the market side, do you
ever wonder what's her story? What someone as old as her has been
through, the amount of happy times she had, the amount of heartbreaks
she went through, the amount of people she met, the amount of people
she has lost, the change she saw through time, the experience she had
with someone special or the time she spent alone and much much more.
Sometimes I feel this way whenever I see my grandma. Of course my
grandma wasnt always my grandma, she used to be a teenager too. She
might have been through the things Ive went through before, she might
have deep dark secrets as well like everyone else.

Ever wondered what someone's story is like? People like our friends,
our parents, our lecturers, the guy who delivers your newspaper, the
guy who owns your favourite restaurant, your maid and people who
we see everyday but never took notice of. Everyone has their own
story, experiences and secrets. I believe if you walk down the
crowded street and just pick a random stranger out of a crowd and
get him or her to tell you their life story. Im sure it will definitely
beat any drama movie you have ever watched. Regardless of how
boring the person's job is or how mundane his life is, there was a point
in that person's life that he actually went through something great
or sad.

By now you're probably wondering why Im writing all this bullshit
out. What Im trying to say is, try looking at your own life story. Reflect
on what you have been through and you would realise that life is great
isnt it? Try looking digging through your memory and bring out all the
life stories you had. It wont apply for everyone because they might have
a bad past, but look at the present, isnt the future beautiful? Even at my age
I will probably be able to tell you loads of stories, the happy times Ive been
through, the sad times Ive been through, interesting things that happened
to me, people who I have met, the amount of times Ive felt love, the amount
of times Ive been through heartache and the list goes on. My point is, if you
think your life is boring now just wait and see, more stories will come your
way.

Shadowless

When I was a kid around 5 years old, my parents brought a mongrel dog
back home which we would fondly call Cookie. Cookie was a puppy during
that time and she grew up to be a petite sized dog. Cookie was a really
affectionate dog, but it was mostly fierce towards strangers but is able
to sense when a person is a friend. Most visitors who came to my house
would remember this dog because of its friendly nature, even people who
wouldnt take a second look at dogs couldnt turn away from Cookie.

Cookie was a real fighter. She survived various illness and she survived
several fights she had with my other dogs and she fought with stray dogs
that wander too close to my compound as well. In most of the fights she
would lose because of her small size but that never really deterred her
from fighting on. After each fight she would be bleeding, but never profusely.
She would usually limp slowly to a corner at my car porch and lick her
wounds. We never really had to send her to the vet because the next
day itself she would be up and running again, fighting again.

The sad part is I had this dog for so long, I thought I would see her end,
but that was not to be. Around late 2007 Cookie suddenly disappeared,
without a trace. We tried looking for her around the neighbourhood,
calling her name helplessly but she was no where to be found. I remember
that day well, my maid prepared dinner for the dog, but couldnt find her
anywhere around the house. After our unfruitful search, I went back to
my room to sleep. I remembered it rained so hard that night, filled with
thunder and lightning. I couldnt sleep that night, thinking she was out
there alone in the dark cold night. I never prayed so hard before.

Till this day, what happened to Cookie remains a mystery to me. Its sad
really because I never really took a lot of pictures of this dog. Infact, my
memory of how this dog looks like is starting to decay. Sigh, but Ill never
forget how strong this dog was despite its small size. The thing is, sometimes
I would ponder about what had happened to her. Might she still be alive?
Was she taken? Was she roadkill? I guess I'll never find out. You must
think that Im a real fool for having such feelings towards a dog, but I dont care.
I fight for what I feel is right and what I truly love. The image above is how
she looks like to me in my memories now, roughly anyways. Ill never forget
you Cookie. =)

Abra Cadabra

Grat.i.tude
Function: noun
Definition: The state of being grateful
THANKFULNESS

When you ponder at the word gratitude, what comes to your mind first? Well,
for most of us its simple, it's saying thank you after someone helped you or gave
you something. It is a fact that most of us are very capable of showing gratitude,
but some of us don't realise that gratitude is a must in our social world. Im sure
most of you know a friend or two who are not well known for their gratitude. To
whoever whose reading this, you yourself may not even know that you have the
decency to say those two magical words to whoever.

Its fair enough that you may say thanks to your friends, but do you say it to your
parents? Do you say it to your teachers? Do you even say it at all? The thing about
us is, when we receive something too often, we tend to appreciate it less and forget
about the people gave it to us. Let's look into an example, lets say since you have no
car your friend usually picks you up and sends you to outings. The first few times
you might say thanks and be appreciative, but after a while you get used to it. You
eventually forget to say thanks, and if your friend arrives late you might even get
angry. You see, the scope changes. At the start you know your friend is doing you
a favor, and now you think your friend OWES you a favor. Remember never to
forget whoever you are, keep the gratitude you had at the beginning towards the
end. That way your friends will know that you appreciate them and wont see you
as a liability(parasite). And for heaven's sake, please be sincere.

Of course, gratitude is more than just please and thank you. You can do certain things
such as returning the favor or doing a good gesture towards a friend who just helped
you as a sign of gratitude. Lets take the driver friend example again. Let's say you know
that your friend is picking you up early tomorrow morning, you can show some gratitude
by atleast getting your ass up early in the morning and get ready before he or she arrives.
Since your friend has taken the trouble to pick you up, atleast be sincere enough not to
keep your friend waiting. After all, why should your friend wait for you when he's driving
right? Does he owe you a favor? I dont think so right? You dont even need the slightest
bit of insight to find that out for yourself, you twit.

You can also show those who have helped you a lot with gratitude by giving them your
respect. Helpful friends are not to be taken advantage of, and should be treated well
for their kindness. Ask only for their help when truly necessary, dont push it. If you
have the opportunity to take the bus without having your friend to make a detour,
take it. Dont be such a hassle to the people around you, or you may come to find out
that people will start avoiding you, or bad-mouthing you. For all you may know, it
might just.. be... happening.... right..... now......

Of course, this applies to many other situations aside from taking rides from your
friends. If you owe people money, take the initiative to remember and pay them back.
Dont make them look for you. If you have borrowed something from someone, return
it back. The fact that that person doesnt remember doesnt mean you can keep it! If
your friend cheered you up after something bad happened, be thankful, dont continue
looking for that person only when ure sad and pouring it all on him or her. Depression is
infectious, trust me. When receiving something from your parents, open your gap and
say thanks. The fact that you are their child, doesnt mean they owe you anything, you
didnt earn it. The fact that you didnt choose them doesnt mean they CHOSE you.

As for those who are incapable of showing gratitude or just uttering a sincere thanks, I
look down on you. You are insects among humans, more like parasites. Goodnight.

Cny Blues

Chinese new year for me every year is a special time of the year where
I mostly spend time with my family and friends. I have fond memories
of almost every new year spent and its been real fun. Its one of those
times of the year where you're in the mood for some boozing and gambling,
having annual dinners with the family, and going out late after dinner
with friends. Nothing beats that routine.

As for yesterday(now the day before yesterday, since it's past midnight)
I went for an annual prayer to 7 of Penang's temples. Yeah I know, thats
ALOT of temples to go to. But it isnt exactly as pain staking as it sounds,
all we do is get one of those huge joss sticks, light it up and mount it on one
of the stands provided infront of the temple. The only reason why it takes
so long is because of the legions of people who come every year, making
prayers to the Gods for health and wealth. What more can you ask for eh?

The one thing about going to these 7 temples every year is I get to see
chinese culture in Penang at its best. The thing about our culture is I dont
really look into it all year round, so yeah once a year is fair enough for me.
Going to the temples makes all 5 of your senses go into overdrive, first you see
the vast array of colours, chiefly red all over the place. The golden designs
of dragons and what not, dieties lined with offerings in front of them, and
DONT laugh, chicks too. Believe it or not, chicks go to temples too, hordes
of them. Next your nose is tingled and slightly annoyed by the heavy smell
of incense everywhere and smoke coming from the vast amounts of joss
paper being burnt. Through your ears, you can hear the loud drummings
and clashing of cymbals within the temple walls, loud chatter of people
and fireworks from a distance. Walking towards the dieties you can feel
heat from the large fires from the concrete furnaces used to burn offerings
and extra joss sticks. As for taste, I had an eclipse mint in my mouth, not
gonna be a smart ass on that part :p

I am not going to ramble further about my temple hopping escapade as
I would have to make this post extremely draggy. Another thing about
chinese new year is that, the people who you spend it with every year.
Aside from family, the one thing I noticed every year is that the friends
I spend new year with are different every year. There are of course some
old ones but most of the time new ones. Only through cny do I notice that
people that we were once so close with eventually become strangers or
hi bye friends, which is kinda sad. But of course, there will always be new
people waiting to be friends. Only through photographs do I see the happy
times, but that isnt entire true. Why cant this present moment be a happy
time? I leave that for you to judge. I dont need the past to bring back good
feelings, instead I appreciate the present and look forward to the future.

is there a light?

Im currently back in Penang now, Ive been home for about 3 days already
and I'll be back to KL on the 20th. This new year break is a very short one
for it only lasts for about 10 days when in fact the cny holiday usually lasts
for about two weeks or more. Its kinda disappointing because usually every
cny is the best holiday for me because most friends are back during that
time and we have a blast enjoying this holiday, unlike other holidays when
everyone comes back on different times of the year.

However this year, its just not going to be that way as most of my friends
are still overseas or are already heading back. To add up with that this year
everyone is busy with their own things. So yeah, I can honestly say Im kinda
marooned on this island. For once Im actually not looking forward to coming
home. Its a real bitter disappointment this year coming home and Im not
exactly looking forward to the next few coming days as I will probably be filled
with boredom. Sigh.

Ive been out twice so far and on both occasions something comes up and
I ended up feeling like I shouldnt have gone out anyways. Damn the blardy
weather. It has been so hot lately, Ive never been pissed due to the weather

before but GRR its been so freaking hot lately. Fuck global warming, its
already happening. Well, I hoped that it would have rained lately but of
course I would end up being disappointed. However tonight, it JUST HAD
to rain while I was out at the BEACH. Wtf. Sigh....

To add up with that, no one seems to be in the new year mood. Everyone
seems so pissy and angry lately. Its as though there is no one cheery or
in good mood to talk to. What happened to HAPPY chinese new year?
Maybe its due to the stupid weather we have been having lately, Im not
exactly in the best of moods as well. Disappointing, really....

Before the holiday had started I really looked forward to coming home
as i have been away for nearly 4 months now. I needed a much deserved
break because I didnt have any holidays after my previous exams. Well,
this is my break I guess. Not what I expected really, but I guess I have to

make the best of it. Sigh......

20

I had my birthday celebration a few days back and honestly I can say its the
best for me. Well, every year is of course the best, but this year was somewhat
special. I didnt have one, not two but three celebrations this year and I was
stuffed with loads of cake, yummy! haha.

At the stroke of midnight, some creepy stuff unfolded in my rented home. First
Jessy, suspiciously led me to my room while talking on the phone with her,
saying that she wanted to tell me something. During that time when we were
conversing, suddenly the normal noisy atmosphere of my humble abode went
silent. Suspicious, but I kept my cool. There were some heavy footsteps going
around outside, and noisy rustlings of plastic bags. SUDDENLY! The power got
cut, woah freaky, but I kept my cool. I walked out of my room into the dark
living room, where there was a loud knocking on my unlocked from door to my
right, while I saw firelight casted on the wall coming from the kitchen on my
left. Which way should I have went? Haha, trying not to be an ass I opened the
front door for my neighbour(the diversion) while my friends popped out from
the kitchen with the cake. Thanks for the suprise guys, nearly there haha.
What happened after that I wont go into detail. It involves some projectiles haha.

The next day was a normal birthday celebration at Pizza hut. Where I later had
an early valentines celebration at my place :).

On the third day, another suprise unfolded. I was led around Midvalley aimlessly
with an empty stomach by Jess. She used every psychological card on me and she
played them very well, oh my cunning foxy mama ;). Well this time I really received
a shock when we finally walked into a restaurant. TGI fridays. There were some
creepy people hiding their faces with menus. AND BEHOLD, my friends were there
once again. A second suprise. What a shocker, and two special unexpected guests too
Sze Lin and Zhi Yuen. HAHA Kwen FFK LOL!!! Anyways I was seriously pleasently
suprised and really happy too see all of you there :). Well, as gratitude I had to sing
for them infront of the restaurant. NICE............. =/
Spent the rest of the day with my only one after that :) thanks babe :)

Well, I received quite a few nice gifts this year and some "interesting" ones
too. I would like to extend thanks to those who wished me and gave me presents.
Thanks Jessy for the bag, Ill use it till my dying days haha :). Thanks Minnie, Stef,
Kenneth, Jermaine, Terk, Adrian, Sze Jin, Neighbour, Sze Lin, Zhi Yuen, Shi Fang
Tze Yi, Bryan and sorry to anyone who Ive missed out for the cake and the other
gifts as well. Really appreciate it guys :D

A special thanks to Kwen. Jess is going to kill you bro! LOL!!!

Anyways turning 20 is something surreal to me. The first digit of my age has
changed, like for GOOD. Ive been pondering about this lately and I cant help
but feel old I guess. I know its the peak of my life, but I can honestly say, all that
teenage bullshit is way behind me lol. Well lets see the significance of this age shall
we?

1) I have 1 more year to grow
2) 1 more year to freedom
3) 1 more year before all the cells in my body are completely replaced
4) 1 year away from being a teen
5) 1 year into being an adult

In my opinion, I dont really care about growing up, or attaining my freedom. The
only thing I look forward to being 20 is still having my friends and family by my side.
20 years I have set foot on this dusty planet Ive made many regrets, alot of mistakes
ups and downs bla bla bla, the same old cliche shit coming back again. But honestly
if I could turn back time, I wouldnt. Because I wouldnt have learnt from my mistakes,
be where I currently stand and I wouldnt be who I am today. As for those who stood
beside me, those who are currently by my side and even to those who I dont speak with
anymore, I would like to extend another thanks to all of you, for making me who I am
today.

Before I blew those candles out, I only had a single wish, that you'll be by my side, now and always

Fantasy comes alive?

hap.pi.ness
function: noun
1: good fortune
2: state of well being and contentment
3: JOY: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

Have you ever wondered what is the true meaning of happiness? How do you
attain it? In my opinion most people don't even know how it feels like because
they are too busy or too naive to notice. Most people would misplace other
insignificant feelings with happiness. In a nutshell, they won't even notice it
even if it hit them right in the face.

In life everyone is in this wild hunt, a pursuit if you may, for happiness(I know, very cliche).
Everyone wants to be happy, no? Of course! Its in our nature to seek gratification
and avoid unwanted feelings. Only crazy people in life would always want to be
sad and angry. So what makes us happy? What gives us the feeling of satisfaction,
pleasure and contentment? Well to some people the source of happiness comes
from fast cars, designer clothes, that new handphone that just came out, a laptop
with great specs, that mouth-watering cake, getting good results, allowance from
our parents and so much more.

Wouldn't you be happy if you had any of the above? Eventhough everyone has
different sources of happiness but why not right? However if you noticed, the points
mentioned aboved are of course sources of happiness, but only temporarily. Why?
Well, a new laptop is of course a new laptop! But eventually life goes on, after all
its just a laptop right? However, there is a drive within us and urge if you may, that
keeps us wanting more. We will never be satisfied with what we have and carry on
demanding for more material possesions(happiness in the form of objects). It is a
fact that we cannot be satisfied with what we have and within a certain period of
time we would want ANOTHER handphone, ANOTHER laptop and perhaps
A NEW car, the latest of course. Its simple human nature that we cannot cure.

Well, does that mean that happiness is only temporary? Not necessarily. Happiness
in my opinion, is something that most of us take for granted. We constantly concentrate
on the THINGS we want so badly, to the point we fail to notice the PEOPLE we already
have. Material objects will often be cast aside and replaced but the people in our lives
remain in our hearts forever. Well we fail to notice that the people, who are always
by our side are the ones that makes us happiest. We are so used to it that we take them
for granted and give credit to material possesions for our happiness. Well who are these
people? To some of us it may be our best friend, a lover, our parents or even our pets.

As for me, I have an unlimited source of happiness and it took we a while to realise,
self actualization if you will. Well, I really cherish my source and I protect it dearly. I
can't stand life without it as the world only seems empty and colourless without it.
Nothing can light up and electrify every fiber of my body like she does. She's my goldmine,
of infinite happiness the rainbow at the end of the dark violent storm. Life seems only
incomplete without her. My pursuit for happiness is finally over. Time to stop chasing
in life and start appreciating. ILY babe :)

What lies ahead

The future is always unknown to us as it is very hard to determine. The future
isnt't exactly very arithmetic and maths orientated. You cant calculate the future,
and come up with a random figure that determines how your future will turn
out and see if it goes the way you want it. The future of our lives cannot be
determined by science. There are no relevant theories or experiments that can
determine our future. Its just not possible, and looking into the future just seems
to be a very pointless thing to do. Yes it is good to think about what to do in the
future and what is good for it but never good to expect how you want it to be.

Expectation is something that humans shouldnt adopt. You cant expect things to
go your way. You cant expect money and power to go your way. You cant expect
people to behave the way you want. Just dont expect anything! Expectation
definitely reduces joy as it disappoints more often than it does the opposite. When
we look into the future we tend to expect something to be like this or like that, but
what we dont realise is that we are just burdening ourselves with our thoughts and
in the long run create stress or maybe depression due to fear that what we expect
to be the worse comes true. But when it does come, we usually have a sigh of relief
as we always overestimate things and overeact when we try to predict the future.
So why go through all that stress for to begin with?

What is there to expect in the future? How will our futures turn out? In my opinion
the future means change. Everyday we go through indefinite change without fail. It
is just inevitable. So what kind of change do we go through? Is it a change for the better
or is it for the worst? Does the future look bright, sunny and filled with rainbows? Or
does the future seem dark, colourless, cold and bleak? Whatever it is in the future, I
feel it is best to leave it alone and enjoy the gift that God gives us day to day which
our present.

It just seems so depressing to look into the future if we expect it to be a bad one. When
we keep thinking about it we tend be stressed up or sad. So why go through all that pain
for? If we keep thinking about the lousy future ahead, how do we enjoy our present? So
is sadness something that is indefinite? In my opinion, sadness and happiness is always
in the short-run. There is no such thing as a happily ever after, those are based on
movies and stories that are meant to bring up the hopes of children, not us. This is because
in life we go through alot of obstacles where we will expect them to be coming in the future.

So why choose to be sad over what is about to come? Be happy for what is already here,
although it is only in the short-run, enjoy and savour the moments when we are happy.
In the future friends may leave, relationships may fail, you may move somewhere else,
people change and people die. So why worry about these when you can enjoy what is already
here. Dont take what you currently have for granted as it may all disappear and pass you by
in the future. Hold on to what you have and cherish them for as long as you can, as nothing
in this perfect world, not even diamonds last forever(thats bullshit). Dont live in the past
or the future, enjoy the present and live like there is no tomorrow...