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When I was younger I have always feared the dark. Despite being in a familiar
place like my own bedroom or at my hallway, when the lights go off I would
just feel a sense of insecurity. I feel that being unable to see anything makes me
feel vulnerable. My imagination would then get wild, like crazy wild and start
conjuring weird shadows and figures in the dark. I can never be alone in a room
without the lights on.

Ive always welcomed the company of light. Infact I can only sleep better with
the light shining brightly on me. As a kid I would do anything to just get a little
light on me while I sleep. I would simply just leave the light on, leave my room
door slightly ajar so hallway lights would come in, get a night light or maybe
get a torchlight. You see, its not really the dark that I fear, it the sense of
insecurity that drives me off the freaking wall.

Now a days, its really quite the opposite. I can walk through half my house in pitch
darkness and not really flinch a single bit. Im used to sleeping alone in my room
which is now twice the size of my old room in the dark. I can take a leak in the toilet
or sometimes even a dump when the lights are all off. In fact when its night time
sometimes light can really annoy me. When Im in my room trying to sleep, I would
always have to put my pillow over my head to shield my eyes from light seeping in
from the hallway or from the street lamp outside.

I guess having insomnia sort of makes darkness a part of your life. Well, maybe not
insomnia, just a milder case perhaps. Well, in a less fancier word its a troubled mind

and an empty heart that keeps me awake. Lying down on my bed staring at the
ceiling, once menacing shadows are now all too familiar. My thoughts once
wildly conjuring terrible horrors now given a chance to abolish them and give room
for other thoughts.

Thoughts about you..

How you were able to speak to my heart and not my ears..
How you were able to touch my soul and not my body..
How you were able to bring me bliss and rarely sorrow..
How you were able to make me see love and not beauty..
How you were able to make me feel whole and not hollow..
How you were able to bring me smiles and not tears.....
How we were able to cast one and not two shadows...

Black Balloon

Hello everyone, thats if there are still readers out there. I do apologize for
the inconsistency of my updates due to the apathy I have towards this blog.
Well, its because Ive been working under minimum wage this summer and
I just get kinda tired when I get home hence I have no mood to update this
blog.

I have however just stop work because summer is ending soon and I felt that
I have not done what I planned on doing this summer. I felt that this summer
is rather uneventful and I feel a tad bit disappointed for letting myself
waste the abundance of time I had. I felt I havent really catched up with my
friends because they themselves have become busier. I can honestly say that Ive
reached the stage where Im close to drifting apart from some. As for me, all I
can say is whatever will be, will be. Bridges are meant to be built halfway on
your side, if even the foundations were never built by the otherside, I see no
point crossing.

As for work, the people are friendly and the working environment can be fun. But
it was not something I wanted. I didnt want to work for the experience this summer
as I know that I would be doing the same for the next summer. I wanted to earn this
year and I didnt. That extra income could have helped me get some stuff that I have
been eyeing on for awhile. I just felt that it wasnt really worth it since Ill have to do
the same next year and there will never be another opportunity of doing so. The
field in which my training was based didnt suit my studies either. So I felt no purpose
in what I did and it was all a big waste of time.

But the upside for this summer is that it was a big eye opener for me. Ive learnt alot
work, family and stuff I went through this summer. Ive learnt that people change
and when they do, its hardly for the best. It is however pointless to change them
back because its in their nature and its who they are. Ive also seen the true nature
of certain individuals after knowing them for a long time. The first impression is
mostly if not always a far cry from the last. Ive also learnt alot about myself, Ive
learnt that Ive always waited for things to come my way, and hardly take the
initiative to do certain things. Just like the idle frog always waiting for the fly, I
never chase towards what I want. I see everything in a different reality now and
Im more battle scarred than ever..

Tick Cock

"Hello, may I speak to Jenny from accounting department please?"
"Yes speaking?"
"This is Ronald here calling from ***, has the director returned the signing pages yet?"
"How should I KNOW?!"
"Well, ermm the tax department wants them by wednesday or a penalty will be imposed."
"Im quite aware of that okay??! Ill send them to you as soon as possible!!"
*PLAP!*
*line goes dead*

Just another great way of starting work in the morning as a trainee auditor. You see,
life isnt easy for the bottom leveled auditor or even for the highest ranking one. Work
mostly consists of mundane and tedious paper work which nobody really wants to do.
Not much accounting is involved really, maybe just somewhere beyond the basics but
not much further than that. Our job is somewhat almost similar to an admin job, yet
it is also somewhat similar to accounting except in a very general way.

So far I have been through several phases of being a trainee auditor. Well the first phase
was vouching. Basically you check to the figures in the accounts and you refer to receipts
to back those amounts up. Just to prove that the money went in or came out in a legit
manner. The second phase was being the photostater boy. You see, being in an auditing
firm where work is tedious and everything must be done with ZERO mistakes, nobody
really trust the trainee(btw im the youngest in the office) with the real stuff. So I dont
have much to do in the office, constantly begging my seniors for something to do. In the
end Ill always end up photostating something for them. From a few measely documents

to a whole bag full or journals, Ive photostated them all. Well, new post today! Phone
answering boy. To be honest Im really afraid of answering the phone, but I guess its
me crawling out of my comfort zone again haha.

Well, being in a firm where work is tedious, I tend to know some cranky people. People
from other companies that we often liaise with, usually accountants are cranky people
as well, for example that conversation I had stated above. Not everyone is cranky though,
the are more nice people than grumpy ones actually. Even in the midst of doing overtime,
where stress is stabbing ure shoulders, some of my colleagues can crack jokes as well.
Which made me think alot, the work isnt the cause of the bad attitude then what does?

Im pretty sure everyone knows a person or two, perhaps a friend, a colleague or a sibling
whose always short on their temper or always cranky. Well, ever wondered why they have
always been like that? Im sure its not something inate or something that our shortfused
comrades were born with. I believe that angry people are like that because of resent they
have from things that are currently occuring or perhaps something in the past which they
experienced, something which they have carried with them for a very long time. I believe
some of these people even forget why they were so angry for in the first place to the point
where there is no way of resolving it since its forgotten, therefore they permanently stick
that way.

Well, its something which we will never really find out about nor will we be able to fix it.
Fact of life, there are cranky and angry people out there but we just have to accept them
for the way they are. And I have to face them for another 3-4 weeks =.=

311009

So far, Ive had three summer breaks. For each one that passes me by, something sad
always happens. I cant imagine why would such a happy time like summer would be
a time when I will be at my worst and when I feel at my lowest. However this summer
I must admit has got to be the worst. I have had many dark chapters in my life but none
as depressing or lonely as this.

Its just that when I let someone in, I etch or carve a part of them into my heart and
in high hopes wishing they were here to stay. However when things dont go well,
I have to scratch away the surface to remove the etches thus it becomes a little
smaller everytime that happens. I guess now I know how some people become
heartless.

I guess algebra has nothing on this.

People say that time heals all wounds, but people didnt tell me that time will take
its time. I guess I will just have to bear with it and be strong. Last summer I had
you to care for me and to bring me back on my feet. I guess now I have no one...

Between Complexity and Reality

Life, its mostly like algebra. It seems complex and difficult, but when you do it you
soon realise that it is fairly simple. It only seems hard because it looks different,
having numbers side by side with letters makes it seem very intimidating and almost
impossible to do. Its just that sometimes in life, we do not wanna try new things or
meet certain people because we find the negative in most things first due to the caution

we adopted from past experiences. Its only when we get out of our comfort zone when

we tell ourselves "Hey this doesn't seem too bad, I can get used to this."

Just like my current job im taking up in an auditing firm. I have never worked a

single day in my life before(excluding small time jobs). It was completely out of my
comfort zone for a variety of reasons. Number one, Im extremely bad with numbers,
the idea of doing auditing is a complete nightmare for me. Number two, meeting new
people: being the introvert I am, having the luxury of long time friends around me all
the time does not help being in a firm full of strangers. Number three, I have never
worked, never intended to anytime soon and here I am. Facing long hours at work
and doing tedious tasks.

Well, it didnt seem too bad. I never remained nervous for too long at first. Although
I may be bad with numbers, but I had alot of helpful seniors helping me as I audited
each company. After 3 weeks of work everything looks dandy and I finally have at
least some control over things. As for the second reason, people here are actually quite
friendly. They may be speaking mandrin half the time but atleast they are not bossy
in any way and the are kinda funny too. As for the third reason, working seems ok to
me. I dont mind doing tedious stuff and I seem to be self motivated which suprises
myself.

Most things always seem hard at first but after a while, or maybe even immediatly
you realise that nothing is completely out of reach. You have to give everything a try
before you make stereotypical and judgemental assumptions on things. Its good to
get out of your comfort zone once in a while, only then will you realise that your
comfort zone much bigger compared to what you once thought. :)

Summer Breeze

Hey everyone, Im currently back in Penang. I drove down yesterday and here I am
now. Its nice to be back home after so long, it feels as though I dont live here anymore,
but Im getting used to living under one roof with my family once again. Even after 4
months being away from home, I realise that some things do change while others will
always remain the same. Its great to be home, I guess...

I got back from the Hong Kong trip not long ago and it was quite ok. The trip involved
rushing to several locations around HK and Shen Zhen. We got the chance to see most
of HK and Shen Zhen. However in Shen Zhen I didnt like the tourguide too much as he
boasted and talked about a supermarket somewhere around the area before dropping
us there. It was a china equivalent of a Tesco and we were there for 2 hours. However
overall the trip is good. I had a lot of fun and got most of my friends souvenirs, not all
however. Had some financial difficulties before the trip haha.

If asked about HK and Shen Zhen, I would say its a place where it is developing really
fast and people there are much more hip and modern than I have previously perceived.
The one thing similar about these two locations are that they both are haven for those
who enjoy a good bargain and shopping for cheap stuff. Transportation here is much
better compared to Malaysia. In Malaysia, the KTM from Kajang to Midvalley takes
45 minutes. The train in HK takes the same amount of time to go to China. Malaysia
boleh! It is also a place where people seem to be always stepping on your foot and
walking off as though nothing had happened. The food however is quite unique there
in certain ways which makes it good, because it is something else and it tastes good.
Many thanks to Jermaine for the hardwork she has put into the planning and organizing.

Since I will be in Penang for about 3 months plus I will be doing internship either in
PWC or Deloitte, that is if I get accepted in. If anyone has any suggestions regarding
job offers please do let me know, thanks :). As for now Ill start looking around and
applying. I need the experience and the work ethic Ive missed out on wasted holidays
spent on gaming and virtually doing nothing. Well thats about it for now, will update
again soon :)

I miss you dear, its such a pain for me to be here without you :(

High Time

Hey guys, sorry no updates lately due to the exams. However, I have one more
important paper tomorrow and a rather insignificant one on the 27th. So I shall
declare myself pseudo free from tomorrow onwards. Honestly I cant wait for this
paper to end so I can get my well deserved sleep and perhaps spend time watching
all the movies Ive missed out. Movies Ive missed out on:
1) Iron Man2
2)Ip Man 2
3) Nightmare on Elm street
4) Clash of the Titans
5) Kick Ass

There are probably more but Im not sure what movies are out there currently, this
shows how unupdated I am regarding the movie scene lol. Anybody out there who
for some funny reason hasnt watched Iron Man 2 yet? Nobody will watch it with me
cos everyone else watched it and the others who hasnt think its lame :(. Well its either
that or Im just gonna go buy some dvds

After exams Ill be heading to Hong Kong for a short holiday. Really looking forward to
that because Ive never been anywhere overseas with my friends before hehe and of
course someone special. I kinda need this short vacation because Ive been through
two academic semesters simultaneously and it wont take long before I go through
burn-out lol. After that Ill be driving back to Penang with ah Pui(haha kidding Kwen).
Well thank God for that if not ill be all alone going back home.

Speaking about home Im kinda home sick cos its been awhile since I was in Penang.
It kinda sucks because the last time I got back I didnt do much and didnt really get
to hang out with my friends. Well it wont be long, only two weeks from now hehe. When
I get back Im probably gonna look for a job. Hopefully one with reasonable pay because
I want to earn some extra pocket money. Internship and experience is for next year
I guess. This would be the only summer where I get would get the opportunity to earn
some cash. Ive never really worked long term before, so I guess this would too be a first.

Despite the fact that Ill be heading back to Penang, Ill be stopping by KL every once in
a while as well. Hopefully my job schedule wouldnt be too tight and Ill be able to do my
own things as well. Ill be coming down for Pc fair, hopefully to meet up with my secondary
school friends and of course to visit her. Sometime during this long 4 month summer
holiday Ill be heading to Thailand with a friend as well, not really planned out yet, but
its gonna happen on a random day lol! Hope it works out, kinda looking forward to some
road trips during the summer. It'll just be wrong not having road trips :(

Anyway its only during exam periods where you feel a sense of escapism where you wanna
do everything else but study. Why is it that during the exam period, there are many other
things to do aside from studying, but during the holidays there always seems to be nothing
to do. Well I guess, a psychology case study is at hand, but neh whose free enough. Next
academic semester its gonna different hopefully, its kinda frustrating having everything
done last minute, its very demoralizing. Next semester will be officially graded for my
degree. No more fooling around I guess.

Its just kinda sad that my first year is finally coming to an end. Its the only time to ever
have fun and probably to slightly slack a bit on studies, but I guess its over now. Time to
get serious, sigh :(

Alright time for some sleep before my paper tmr then Im free! Cant wait..