Spiritual Conditioning

Once upon a time, two of Lord Buddha's diciples were traversing across India.
Of both men of the robe, one was rather gentle and big in size, while the other
was petitely built with a fury of a man twice his size. During their journey they
reached a river which they had to cross. The currents were strong as torrents
of water pounded against the river rocks. As they were about to cross they took
notice of a pretty young woman trying to cross the river as well. She was weakly
built and she would have been swept by the currents as easily as the dry leaves
in the summer. The bigger sized monk offered the young woman to sit on his back
so he can help her across. The small sized monk was perplexed. Being men of the
robe they were not allowed to come in contact with the opposite sex. He kept a
angry, frustrated and disappointed demeanor as his giant brother ferried the sweet
young thing across the river. The demeanor remained for the rest of the journey,
while the big sized monk remained nonchalant. Throughout the rest of the journey
the small monk was quiet and cold. Upon reaching their monastery he couldn't hold
it in any longer and yelled at the bigger monk.

"How could you come in contact with that woman?! It is against our teachings!!!"

The big sized monk still maintaining his calm, uttered words that filled his small
sized brother with guilt.

"I have merely carried the woman as far as the other side of the river. How come you're still carrying her along?"

Sometimes in life without realizing we would carry excess baggage of unpleasant
thoughts, feelings and grudges from the past. Obstacles and conflict get in our way
every once in a while. It is only wise that we learn from them. However we truly
only learn from these incidents when we have learnt to let them go. Life is short,
do not let the weight of these excess baggage hinder your journey :)

Melaka Trip II

Wish upon a boat

Headed to Melaka once again with coursemates to gather some information for
our assignment. The last time I went there was quite recent, it was one of those
beginning of semester trips we have before the assignments poured in. Never
would I imagine going down there again FOR assignment purpose. Regardless
we did what we had to do and it was quite a good trip, eventhough it was just a
day trip.

Got up 7 in the morning and left around 7:45. Ive never woken up this early in
a very long time and I felt like a secondary school student zombie once again. We
took the same kampung path we did the last time before reaching the highway.
The weird part was regardless of how kampung it got, it really reminded me of
Semenyih, except those kampungs which had cow's and stuff, those are the
ghettos of Malaysia lol.

At the highway the driver got kinda sleepy, so I took over. What a feeling it was
being on the road again. After weeks of mindless assignment work, a long drive
was rather therapeutic for me. I dont't know why, but a long drive does me good
whenever Im stressed or down. Being on the road and moving fast gives me a
feeling of freedom somehow. It just feels as though Im moving at the same speed
as our fast paced lives. This semester just seems to be a slow and dark one, and
yet it feels like its fleeting by ever so swiftly. Anyways back to the trip.

We headed to Jasin, somewhere in the outskirts of Melaka. It was there where
we gathered information for our coursework. I will not divulge any information
here for the sake of ethics(such a good jr psychologist). It's a very quiet town
and suprisingly big, but it was filled with those wooden traditional Malay houses
and pre-war shoplots. It didnt take too long to get what we wanted and we
were very satisfied with our findings. With the feeling of satisfaction off we
drove to Melaka.

When we reached the town, the familiar feelings came back. The sight of the red
church, the colourful trishaws and the british colonial buildings brought out all
the memories of a 9 year old me who visited the place with my family a long time
ago. But there was something definitely different. Im not sure why I didnt realise
this the last time I came, but Melaka isnt what it used to be. What was suppose
to be a town which was suppose to maintain it's cultural image instead morphed
into a modern tourist trap. The trishaws that once peacefully roam the tiny town
now have amps installed and they blast techno music. What used to be shops selling
antiques and other intricate relics are now replaced with cafes and bars with
overpriced drinks meant for the whites. Shops which used to sell beautiful handmade
keychains now sell plastic couple keychains and other cute souvenirs.

As we walked into jonker street it just felt like a whole new Melaka. The old
historical, rustic and wooden charm of Melaka is slowly dying. Regardless, it
still has the cosy feeling of it. Im just sad by the time my "kids" come in, the
charm of it may be completely lost. I know Penang is going through the same
thing, but it's out with the old and in the with the new. I dont mind a single
bit :)

Anyways, we did a really unique thing in Melaka. It's called the wishing boats.
As you can see from the picture above this post, there are some boats which
ferry tourists by the riverside of Melaka. These boats constantly cruise under
pedestrian bridges. The concept is you grab a coin and make a wish, when the
boats comes close you throw the coin on the roof of the boat where it will remain.
Haha, it's something we made up on our own. I made the same wish twice, I
hope it really comes true :(

We spent the day walking and mostly laughing. It's good to feel relaxed again
after all the stress and confusion. Im glad I had a tiny holiday from life. Till
we meet again Melaka.. :)

Updates

Hey guys, I know I have blogged a lot about factual stuff that you guys really
dont need to know about and nothing about myself. Im also quite aware that
this blog died for awhile before I revived it again causing me to lose a quite a
significant number of my already very small population of readers.
None-the-less I shall continue blogging for my own personal reasons. This
blog has contained quite a lot of memories and it would be a real shame to
just let it go. Regardless of how long this blog may go inanimate I shall
eventually come back to it :)

I do not usually like to blog about myself, but since this is my blog after all
I feel that a few updates would not hurt ;) I shall list them down very
briefly here

1) In a social study conducted in UNMC, it was concluded from various respondents
that my brother looks wayyyyyyyyy younger then me. I dont know what's worse,
the fact that he is 3 years older then me or the fact that I look half my age.

2) I have mastered a few dishes through cooking experiments in my kitchen. F.Y.I
the 5 second rule does not apply on my kitchen floor. It's more like -5 second rule.

3) Kenneth a.k.a FJORD or htknnek has 4 packs. Dont believe me? Ask him to take
off his shirt(true fact).

4) Yih Quan is not around anymore, sigh. This means that I have been atleast a few
months sober. That bioscience birthday party does not count! I could still do pumping
after that lol.

5) Retardo learns how to shake and sit. Just like stoner :D

6) Stoner is dead :( Found her dead. Cause of death unknown.

7) Im getting slightly more proficient in mandrin! Im becoming more of a mango
than a banana hahaha. Still can't completely form full sentences though, just can
order food.

8) Assignments are closing in and Im scared shitless.

9) The guy upstairs is still smelly

10) Im homesick :(

Well, that is all the updates I have for now. This semester has been a really fast
one. It just feels like yesterday I was unpacking my stuff, today Im already working
my butt off on assignments. Speaking of assignments I have to get back to mine
before I lose track of time again. :)

Truth

What is unconditional love?

The meaning of unconditional love sounds simple. Unconditional love means that
you will love someone no matter what they do. This does not mean that you do
not see their faults. You just continue loving them in spite of these faults.

That is the simple meaning to it. When most people are asked about it, they say
they receive it and they provide from and to their loved ones. They say it with
full confidence, I said it myself too once. But when more thought was put into it,
I told myself the term seemed to good to be true. How can you continue loving
someone regardless of what they did?

What if your loved one hurt you? What if he/she cheated on you? What if he/she
is a criminal? What if they are of a different race? Age? Religion? There are a
thousand more ifs and a thousand more things someone can tolerate. But how far
exactly does the limit of one's tolerance stretches? Even love which has braved
storms many times before can be eventually shattered by a mere breeze.

The truth is, love can be a very simple and yet very complicated thing. It is very
simple in the sense where two people are attracted to each other and they form a
bond together which lasts from just a few days to an eternity. It is complicated in
a sense where the person you hate the most is also you love and care for the most.
It seems that in life, everything goes both ways, you can't have something good
without something bad accompanying it.

With "unconditional" love, it just seems to break the code of life. To love someone
indefinitely regardless of how much they hurt you. It just seems that with that
kind of love you only choose to see the good. What if you choose to unconditionally
love someone who continually hurts you? Seems rather impossible right? Seems
rather divine doesn't it? But whether you believe it or not, my opinion is that it
does not exist. Love like that only exists in fairytales.

Beholder

Who am I?

Have you pondered upon this question before? What do you perceive yourself as?
What is your personality? How do you behave? What are your intentions? What
role do you play among your family and friends? What is your purpose of living?
Right about now you may or may not have the answers to these questions. But
how much do you really know about yourself?

Most of us have a rough idea about who we are. We know our attitudes be it the
active sort or the passive sort. We roughly know about how patient we are, be it
short tempered or tolerant towards others. We can observe our intelligence
through our test results. We can judge our appearance looking at the toilet mirror
every morning. There are endless ways how we see ourselves and what we
perceive ourself as.

But do you really think that the judgements you make upon yourself is correct?
Do you think you really know who you are? Some of us may have the benefit of
the doubt. There are those who have a certain level of rationale to make correct
judgements about themselves while the rest of us are not that priviledged. You

see, people make general assumptions based on their own knowledge. But exactly
how accurate is your general knowledge? Do you think your assumptions are valid?
It really depends on how intelligent you are and how much you know about something.
There will always be errors and discrepancies in our assumptions. Having said so,
can you really make valid judgement about who you are?

You see, we tend to perceive ourselves as who we want to be. We tend to reject and
deny the negative qualities about ourself. For instance lets say that I see myself as
the patient sort and Im a good listener. I would remember the times when I listened
and comforted a broken hearted friend but, I wouldnt even realise it when I yell at my
brother for criticizing my dangerous driving. Some of us tend to be vain and stare at
the mirror at every opportunity we have. Regardless of how good looking we vision
ourself as, it really depends on other people to judge our appearance. So as you can
see, we tend to distort the knowledge about ourselves. Only the important people
in our lives can make accurate judgements about us.

As for those who have a more or less accurate perception of themselves, I salute you.
But are you someone you want to be or someone you should be? There is a fine line
between want and should. For example, lets say you are someone who actively donates
to charitable organizations. Do you donate because you want to or do you do it because
others are doing it as well? Or lets say you have good grades because you have a
targeted career in mind or because you want to please your parents. Or perhaps you
have alot of friends, therefore you see yourself as someone friendly, but deep down
you can stand dejection and being alone.

So, do you really know who you are? Are you sure? Well I dont :(

Society

For millions of years, humans have taken many forms through evolution. We once
lived in the water, we were once apes and now we take on our current humanoid form.
Despite the fact that we were once very different, we share a common characteristic. An
instinct we had for millions of years and many more to come. The basic instinct of survival.
The instinct that drives us to live, the instinct that has kept our species existant till today.

The survival instinct basically drives us into doing anything to keep us alive and ensure the
continuity of our species. During the harsh conditions back then, our ancestors had to run,
steal, kill, rape and commit many other atrocities which are unacceptable to our civilized and

tamed society today. Back then there was no order or law, our ancient ancestors were

animals amongst other animals.

In our present time, with order in our society humans still carry with them the instinct of
survival. We can observe this through our daily routine and behaviour in our social life. We
have our methaphorical food chain where we avoid those above our social hierachy which
are a threat to us and we "prey on" or manipulate those who we feel are below us. We move in
"packs" or our so called cliques. We do whatever it takes to survive in Uni, from studying
really hard to cheating in a test for the sake of our future. We find those "desperate" friends
of ours who constantly look for companions who are subconsciously following the survival
instinct of continuing the species. We "prowl" or "stalk" on facebook to get to know our
friends or evens enemies better. We have feel jealous when people harrass or talk to our
mates, we feel angry when people hurt our friends and we gossip/bitch because we are
protecting and maintaing our territory. This is less related to the survival instinct of our
ancestors but somewhat applied to our social world.

In a more realistic notes, the behaviours of our ancestors can still be seen today. There
are cases where people steal, why would they do such things? To put food on the table of
course. However, there is a difference between stealing for survival and stealing for the sake

of greed. I however personally feel that both are contingent. There are still people out there
who commit rape. Lust is actually an animalistic instinct to breed but rapists are however
still wrong as they lack self control. We still find people who kill, coerce, threaten, harrass
and humiliate others. All of this done for the sake of their own survival. Truly even today
in certain environments, its survival of the fittest.

As we can observe, the survival instinct is part of our human programming. For millions
of years we have behaved this way and we will continue doing so. Some of us may have
more self control and have a sense of empathy for others while some may not. Despite
the fact as that we perceive ourselves as the intelligent beings we see today, we still are
infact animals of our modern world

Anchor Effect

One thing I realise lately is that people tend to change over time. I have always
gotten used to the fact that people will change and I will in turn change my perspective
as well so I can adapt towards their new behaviour or attitude. So far that has served
me well and I did not lose alot of friends, just some of course which were never really
friends to begin with. However, recently that was not the case. I found out that it is
not exactly time that changes people, it is the situations that arises as time goes by

There was a term I heard..

In the time of need, those who have always been there for you may abandon you and
those who you expected to knock you down will pick you up.

When I read this term I felt that whoever quoted it must have been really stupid and
have no common sense as this statement did not seem to hold any form of logic. Well
maybe in movies but hardly in real life. However I have been sadly proven wrong as
of late. I realise that shit does happen sometimes. There are people out there who make
you feel like you are significant to them and they show all forms of care and concern.
They give you advice based on their own opinion try to prevent you from doing something
which they assume you will regret.

At first I thought people that kind and generous will make invalueble friends. How wrong
was I, what seemed like concern and friendship had all been some form of illusion. Let me
clarify. Sometimes, people have feel a sense of belonging and dislike lonliness. They feel
bitter at the fact that others do not treat them the way the expect them to. They do not
feel appreciated by others and feel insignificant to most(due to their own attitudes perhaps).
Therefore they find friends who they feel are less intimidating and easy. They use them
as an anchor or a base to run to when they have no one else. They look down at them and
feel that they should and must be better than them(their anchors).

At anytime, when they feel threatened that their anchor is gonna be taken from them,
they jump into action and find all sorts of ways to harm, cockblock, sabotage and
demotivate their anchors in an attempt to keep them away from others. Not until they
find other friends of course. I dub this phenomena the Anchor Effect.

Sometimes when a situation arises where you are in need of help the most, the people
who you expect the most to be there for you actually may bring you down even further.
The people who you expect to hurt you when you are down sometimes may be the ones
who will be there for you when you least expect it. True story.